i know that you’re not looking for a relationship right now and that you’re not in the right state of mind.

but heck.

i miss you so much.

for three days we didn’t speak.

we didn’t even acknowledged one another.

but i just want you to know that i miss you so much. sh**. i know i have to move on. i know that you might not be the one for me but whenever i see your face, whenever i hear you speak, whenever there is an inkling of you… i recall of all the promises and all the things that could have been. i’m not nice. i’m not what you’re looking for. i know but oh please make this easy for me…

ya Allah why do i still have to feel this pain? ya Allah, why do i still feel sad? ya Allah, why can’t my heart move on. why does her face haunt me when i sleep, when i wake up, whenever…

ya Allah, my heart yearns comfort and only you can give me comfort and i sincerely beg you to give me some. i can’t focus like this… i can’t do anything like this ya Allah. please let me forget. please let me get better. ya Allah, please.

throughout the three days, i’m always on the lookout for her, i’m ashamed. i’m embarrassed to once call her ‘sayang’ and now, not even a smile. i’m sorry ana but i can’t bring myself to do it. i love you so much and i still do. oh my heart… please let her go.

it’s been 4 months and… sigh. let her go already.

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I just want Him to mend my heart you see… it is left broken and torn and I just want it to be whole and complete again.

I want to have full trust and faith in Allah SWT and I just hope that He hears me. I know that He listens and I know that whatever comes next is good but sometimes I just want a clearer sign.

I need His help and I need Him to sustain me throughout my every existence and if not for my faith in Him, I would be in such a mess.

May He mend this heart of mine and may I completely learn to let go and leave the rest to Him. Jodoh tak ke mana and that too shouldn’t be my focus as of now.

My every existence is because of Him and I let Him guide me. May I continue to be humble and may my faith be ever stronger.

I think I’ve finally realised my fault and why it all ended…

Yes.

I guess it is clear now and I’m just so sorry to have been blinded and lost the way.

ya Allah… I’m so sorry… ya Allah… I’m so sorry… ya Allah… I’m so sorry…

ya Allah… I’m so sorry… ya Allah… I’m so sorry… ya Allah… I’m so sorry…

ya Allah… I’m so sorry… ya Allah… I’m so sorry… ya Allah… I’m so sorry…

for I have not pleased You and all fault is on me, my weaknesses, my failures are all because I have lost my way from You.

Ya Allah… please forgive me for if You do not forgive, I’m amongst the losers.

Ya Allah… this trial is painful. I know you did this so that I can come back to You but oh Ya Allah… how painful it is, how disappointing it is…

Ya Allah… please please return me back on to the straight path, I have lost my way and I only need You to guide me back. My soul is weak and my nafs is strong, I need Your help.

please