Hope

It’s funny how one day you’re controlling every word and every emotion in front of her so that she doesn’t suspect that you like her to telling her every day that she’s beautiful and that you’re excited about having a future with her.

It’s really interesting how the world works especially so if that certain someone that you’ve been interested for so long reciprocates your feelings.

I know… I might fall into disappointment in the future but I really want to make this relationship the first and the last. Like I’ve said, I see no reason why it wouldn’t. As long as both of us do not drift apart from one another.

Hope.

It’s what I have now. May it last, insyaAllah.

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What happened

I still cannot believe that the past few weeks happened. Like… really happened. When I woke up today, it truly felt like a dream. It’s ridiculous that it actually happened.

I know it has been a long time since I updated this blog and I have so many stories to share. But firstly and I guess the most interesting is that I fell in love.

I know… I know… I’ve fallen for a few in the past few semesters but I realised that in the past it was all about proximity and less about compatibility. It is funny how being in close proximity to someone can change your emotions you have towards them. I tried and I chased for a while but it ended up futile. I guess in the past I was immature about it and didn’t really understand the other person and about what they actually want. That’s when it kind of backfired. But insyaAllah, this one will be different.

You know, I always had that intention of just finding one and marrying that one. I never want to play around or break people’s hearts and it is with that intention that I decided to pursue her.

I have to say that I’m a very picky person, I always tell others that I have a checklist of traits that I look for, namely, the checklist in the hadith of the Prophet SAW:

According Prophet (Peace be upon him) said:

“A person chooses his life partner due to four reasons. 1. Rank 2. Money 3. Beauty 4. Taqwa (Virtue). One should choose who is best in Taqwa (Virtue)”
– [Sahih Hadith]

However, ultimately, even with that hadith in mind, I’m not one to tick off checkboxes as if they’re goods. They are not. They are living, breathing human beings with their own souls, character and emotions. Therefore, above all, I still seek for someone that can click with me easily and someone that I have no issue with at all or less so, someone that I’m never annoyed at.

However, ultimately, relationships are not a one-sided adventure. It requires the hard work of both parties, that means it is also my responsibility to give my fair share. Have I met all those reasons above? It is hard to say because I can never be objective but what I can say is that I’m trying.

Again, let me emphasize that this is my first time being in a relationship and one that I hold much hope for. After knowing her for more than a year, I see no reason why we wouldn’t work out. InsyaAllah, with the right intentions and by continuously seeking advice from people that we trust, it will work out.

Relationships are never an easy thing but as long both continue to support one another in development and growth, it’ll be smooth, insyaAllah.

وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ

– 30:21

SAHIH INTERNATIONAL

And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.

Bask in the glory

Hello.

It has been a while.

How are you?

I’ve been well. Pretty well.

It’s Week 10 already! Could you believe it? I can’t.

It’s scary to think that in a few weeks time, it’ll be the end of the semester. Still grasping for breath, still wondering what to do next…

It’s scary to think that little has changed but also… a lot has.

Anyway, yea. This is just a drop in to tell myself that I’m still here. Don’t worry, I’m alright. There’s nothing interesting that’s happening in my life as of late. I just want to do more shoots, study harder, be smarter and achieve success.

I just want to get better in the things that I’m not good at. I want to struggle to achieve the success and bask in the glory once I’m there. But now, I can’t.

Can’t just let it go

It is sometimes a struggle to find time to do the things you love. It always comes with a sacrifice of some sort either school work or from time to be social.

But I guess if we really want it we’d do anything to get it.

This thought has been on my mind for quite a while since the start of the week. Whether I could give up time from studying to edit my photographs. To be honest, I haven’t found a balance. Aside from my commitments, I just want to actually have some time to be focused on just one thing and maybe this is why I can’t wait to step down.

But I can’t just let it go just like that. They’re so many incomplete things and so many things that I can do. Really need more time.

Decisions

There’s a reason why sometimes, decisions are hard to make.

It’s because of our limited knowledge of the situation and the world around us. We cannot ever predict nor forsee the future. That’s why it becomes hard and indecisive sometimes.

However, we can make the best out of our situation by leaving it to Allah SWT. By doing our istikharah, we are taking the burden off of our shoulders and onto His. We need to have complete faith in Him and trust that whatever happens are already meant for us and will be beneficial for us in one way or another.

There’s a way to positively look at things.

One, to see that good things come and be grateful. Secondly, when bad things come, know that it is Allah’s way of testing us and burning our sins away. It is also a way for us to be reminded of Him and be closer to Him. Know that with every hardship comes ease.

Know that whatever He does, whatever He decides, is for your own benefit, for our own benefit. We are nothing on this Earth. Who are we to decide our own fate?

By the grace of Allah SWT, I pray that everyone will be able to make the best of all of our decisions, to learn, and to continue to be steadfast in the life that’s lined up for us.

His Pleasure

We cannot get everything that we asked for.

Sometimes we hope for something to happen, for a certain thing to happen to us or to achieve something but that’s the only thing we can do, we can only hope. Even if we put in the effort, we cannot expect that things will turn out the way we want it to.

It is funny you see, how we always expect things to happen the way we want it to to the extent that we will control every possible controllable variable. However, we failed to realise that all of it depends on Him.

This is why we were encouraged to do Istikharah, to pray to Him and ask Him to guide us in our decisions. It is highly encouraged to do it for every decision that we make so that we can get His guidance. However, start small.

Anyway, we just have to remove ourselves from the mindset of expectation.

This idea of decision-making has been on mind lately. It is the idea of whether what we do is based on our own nafs or whether it is based on something greater, like seeking His pleasure. I know… sometimes it is hard to fight our nafs and sometimes… we just want it so badly. But one has to put themselves into a practical state of mind, of whether one is actually doing it because of their emotions or because they truly understand the situation they are in?

Sometimes, one isn’t ready but because of their nafs, they follow through and brought themselves into a whole lot of problems.

Maybe that is why I take big decisions seriously and take a while to think about it. I might seem indecisive but I guess it is all worth it in the end. I just need time to understand my own feelings and emotions and not just jump in for the sake of the nafs.

Hmm… now I wonder if the things that I have been doing are for my own pleasure or to seek His pleasure?