It has been a while.
How are you?
I’ve been well. Pretty well.
It’s Week 10 already! Could you believe it? I can’t.
It’s scary to think that in a few weeks time, it’ll be the end of the semester. Still grasping for breath, still wondering what to do next…
It’s scary to think that little has changed but also… a lot has.
Anyway, yea. This is just a drop in to tell myself that I’m still here. Don’t worry, I’m alright. There’s nothing interesting that’s happening in my life as of late. I just want to do more shoots, study harder, be smarter and achieve success.
I just want to get better in the things that I’m not good at. I want to struggle to achieve the success and bask in the glory once I’m there. But now, I can’t.
It is sometimes a struggle to find time to do the things you love. It always comes with a sacrifice of some sort either school work or from time to be social.
But I guess if we really want it we’d do anything to get it.
This thought has been on my mind for quite a while since the start of the week. Whether I could give up time from studying to edit my photographs. To be honest, I haven’t found a balance. Aside from my commitments, I just want to actually have some time to be focused on just one thing and maybe this is why I can’t wait to step down.
But I can’t just let it go just like that. They’re so many incomplete things and so many things that I can do. Really need more time.
flowers are fragile things,
maybe they’re not for me.
I can’t tend to a flower,
how then can I tend to its seedlings?
There’s a reason why sometimes, decisions are hard to make.
It’s because of our limited knowledge of the situation and the world around us. We cannot ever predict nor forsee the future. That’s why it becomes hard and indecisive sometimes.
However, we can make the best out of our situation by leaving it to Allah SWT. By doing our istikharah, we are taking the burden off of our shoulders and onto His. We need to have complete faith in Him and trust that whatever happens are already meant for us and will be beneficial for us in one way or another.
There’s a way to positively look at things.
One, to see that good things come and be grateful. Secondly, when bad things come, know that it is Allah’s way of testing us and burning our sins away. It is also a way for us to be reminded of Him and be closer to Him. Know that with every hardship comes ease.
Know that whatever He does, whatever He decides, is for your own benefit, for our own benefit. We are nothing on this Earth. Who are we to decide our own fate?
By the grace of Allah SWT, I pray that everyone will be able to make the best of all of our decisions, to learn, and to continue to be steadfast in the life that’s lined up for us.
We cannot get everything that we asked for.
Sometimes we hope for something to happen, for a certain thing to happen to us or to achieve something but that’s the only thing we can do, we can only hope. Even if we put in the effort, we cannot expect that things will turn out the way we want it to.
It is funny you see, how we always expect things to happen the way we want it to to the extent that we will control every possible controllable variable. However, we failed to realise that all of it depends on Him.
This is why we were encouraged to do Istikharah, to pray to Him and ask Him to guide us in our decisions. It is highly encouraged to do it for every decision that we make so that we can get His guidance. However, start small.
Anyway, we just have to remove ourselves from the mindset of expectation.
This idea of decision-making has been on mind lately. It is the idea of whether what we do is based on our own nafs or whether it is based on something greater, like seeking His pleasure. I know… sometimes it is hard to fight our nafs and sometimes… we just want it so badly. But one has to put themselves into a practical state of mind, of whether one is actually doing it because of their emotions or because they truly understand the situation they are in?
Sometimes, one isn’t ready but because of their nafs, they follow through and brought themselves into a whole lot of problems.
Maybe that is why I take big decisions seriously and take a while to think about it. I might seem indecisive but I guess it is all worth it in the end. I just need time to understand my own feelings and emotions and not just jump in for the sake of the nafs.
Hmm… now I wonder if the things that I have been doing are for my own pleasure or to seek His pleasure?
I’ve been wondering as of late if I’m doing a certain thing based on my nafs or after true reflection and consideration?
It is quite hard to distinguish sometimes.
Well. Sometimes it can make me seem quite indecisive but in actuality, I’m thinking about it.
Have we ever stopped to question why we do certain things?
Why we do a certain ritual every day, why we were always told to do it?
One such thing is prayer.
I’m sure all of us understand why we pray or rather, why we were always told to pray i.e. to seek His pleasure, to get closer to Him or because it is one of our obligations as a Muslim. All of them are terrific answers and they’re not wrong at all. However, we need to pause and think why we, ourselves, pray?
Because I feel that once we have our intentions right, we can better carry out our responsibilities as a Muslim.
I pray because it is a break from the worldly life, to be in connection with Allah SWT. It is to remember Him and recognise that I am nothing without His mercy.
So, what’s your reason?