Is it worth the pain?

Is it worth the pain?

Is it worth all the effort?

To reach a dead end?

To reach a wall that cannot be torn down?

When will we realise that it is all futile, that this emotion is just after all an emotion?

When will we see that it will all soon come to an end?

Why do we still put in the effort to make it work, to make it seem that there is a future for us at all?

Why can’t we move on, lead our own separate lives?

Wouldn’t we be happier that way?

Wouldn’t we smile a little brighter, laugh a little louder, feel a little happier knowing that we are not chained down to the ground?

Why hold on?

Let go.

Let us go.

Let me go.


A little thought that has been bugging me for a while now.

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Year 1 in NUS, over.

It has been a hell of a Semester 2 with so many things accomplished and so many experiences gained.

So here’s what happened in Semester 2:

  1. Rihlah 1438H done and dusted.
  2. Islam Awareness Series 2017 done and dusted.
  3. I joined Freshman Orientation Camp 2017 as a committee member (Publicity).
  4. I was nominated and then appointed into NUS Silat’s committee as Assistant Team Member (Publicity).
  5. I learnt a lot about Photoshop and photo editing.
  6. I executed my first ever photoshoot gig and earned some money.
  7. Injured my right ankle (not an achievement but I guess it is notable?)
  8. Learning a lot from seniors and from people who came before me.

I think that is all.

In the span of the three months of Semester 2, it really felt as if it flew by in an instant as if I’m always on the move day in and day out. Looking back, it was almost daily that I come home late in the night, sometimes, due to Silat training, and sometimes because I spent my time in the library till it closes.

I might not have hustled much in the past semester but I’m glad that the hustle I put in had quality.

Furthermore, since it was semester 2, I guess I had more ground and a clearer understanding of how my life should be in NUS. I managed to pick up a routine: coffee in the morning, classes after, do work during breaks, lunch, more work, prepare for lessons the day before…

I realised that I’m super productive when I’m in school which might be the reason why I spent so much time there to only come home to sleep.

But all the things I didn’t isn’t without any drawbacks.

Getting home late at night usually means that I couldn’t really talk to my parents or spend some quality time with them. Also, it means that I’m neglecting my responsibilities as a son. That guilt was really heavy on me.

Furthermore, it meant that I have to sleep later and thus, my reliance on coffee increased. Creativity also went down the drain along with my fitness. I guess the only fitness I have left is what I gained during silat.

However, as bleak as it sounds, I have to say that I loved every moment in school because what made it awesome were the people in it.

I do not regret school at all.

Now, I have about three months of holidays. This does not mean a solid break but instead 3 months filled with HUSTLE. Time to catch up with what I’ve neglected and to also work for my future.

I’ll probably pen down my plan for the three months in the next post or something.

Anyway, my final say is this… I’M GLAD TO BE BACK!

Just give me…

Just give me a few more days.

Maybe till the end of the week.

I apologise if I hadn’t been blogging. I just have to calm my nerves and get my head in the game.

Finals are coming soon.

I do miss typing out words, creating, forming up posts but I have to be away. Just a few days…

I can’t wait to be back.

We all fall into self-doubt

No matter how confident we are or how motivated we are, there will be a day where we will doubt ourselves.

Self-doubt is toxic unless we learn to use it to our own advantage.

There are many people who fall into self-doubt and couldn’t pick themselves back up. They fall into this vicious cycle of doubting, questioning and pessimism, which takes a toll on their health and mental well-being.

I guess you can call that depression.

I’m fortunate enough to stay away from depression because of my naturally uplifting and motivated character. However, I don’t deny that I have fallen into self-doubt. It is a dark place and I always try to steer away from it when signs begin to show.

To be honest, there is no point to this blog post except that I want to remind myself that once is a while we fall into self-doubt and that you’re not alone. Don’t bring yourself to a downward spiral. Find help when needed. Talk. Keeping emotions inside will not help. Ever.

Time.

We are limited by time. Our being, our very body, mind and soul are limited by time.

Time limits our capabilities. Because of time, we are bound to the only minuscule piece of infinity that is our lifetime.

Sometimes, even though we have the potential to go beyond, we are limited by time to practise that skill, to develop it.

Ultimately, we are enslaved by time.

Gradualism

Darwin’s Theory of Evolution by Natural Selection is an idea that is built upon an older method of thinking called ‘gradualism’. Basically, gradualism is the idea that everything changes but it is so slow and so gradual that if you were to view it happening, you wouldn’t see anything at all. The changes take a very long time to happen.

One such example is the movement of the tectonic plates that lead to how the continents are today.

This post isn’t about explaining Evolution or even the movement of the tectonic plates but instead, I want to discuss the idea of gradualism and how such a form of thinking could be adopted into our daily lives.

 As described above, gradualism is the slow change that builds on the changes made in the past. How can we then apply this thinking to our daily lives? 

  • Goals

We can think of goals as the final destination that we want to arrive at. Between your current state and that final destination is the journey. That long, arduous journey that one has to take to achieve our own definitions of success. 

But that journey is filled with small steps. Steps that might seem useless to the ultimate goal. However, if we adopt the mindset of gradualism, such small steps are crucial as any minor successes in the future are built on the foundation of those seemingly meaningless steps. 

  • Feeling Unmotivated

No matter how strong our discipline is or how many motivational videos we’ve watched, there comes a point in time where we feel utterly unmotivated. We feel like death, procrastinating the day away. However, maybe having a mindset of gradualism might help. 

Know that each step that you take, no matter how small is a success in of itself. Small changes compound to bring about huge effects. What you do now will contribute to your achievements later, one way or another. 

If you’re feeling unmotivated, take pride and happiness in the small successes. Take things slowly. I promise you that that is way more manageable. 

Especially in the event of having a huge task laid in front of you, by chipping away slowly, the task might not be such a Goliath in the end.  

Gradualism is to take things slowly, step by step. The effects may not be apparent but given enough time, the outcomes will be tremendous. Just like evolution or the creation of the continents, big changes take time. So, put in the work no matter how small and always have faith that it will bring the rewards we worked hard for in the end.