I feel bad

Is this how it feels like to neglect the ones you love? Is this how it feels like to only see them sounds asleep at night? Is this how it feels like for a father to work hard but not to have time to spend time with their children? If so, I don’t want to work hard.

I can’t bear to leave my future children at home without seeing me. I don’t think I can bear the pain of neglecting my loved ones.

I think what I’m doing to my parents is an example of how it could feel like if I were to continue to lead such a life. I guess this is why I do not ever want to have an office job.

As usual, I’ve been going home super late, partly due to meetings and activities. As a result, I only reached home maybe a few minutes before my mother sleeps or when she’s already in deep sleep. I feel really bad because I didn’t talk to her nor did I entertained her. She should have at least had the chance to hear my voice. But no. Because of me putting importance on myself rather than the people around me, my loved ones began to suffer.

I just can’t bear the thought. What if something happened? What if this? What if that? I cannot imagine how I’d react! I’d be devastated, crushed, and in complete regret.

I need to put in more effort into doing what is required, quickly. I guess I also need to be at home more often and not treat it like a hotel.

Argh. This is going to be a challenge.

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