Telling lies

I’ve been reading a book recently. In that book, there is a race called the Fae with a particularly interesting capability or disadvantage rather: they cannot tell lies.

So this got me thinking. What if humans cannot tell lies?

Would the world be a better place? Would we be less burdened without any secrets to hide or would our lives be worse off knowing that everyone can access your deepest darkest fantasies just by asking a question?

Hmm…

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Did I do good enough?

My results for Semester 2 of Year 1 was released yesterday and I was disappointed.

I did not achieve the expected grades that I had hoped for. Furthermore, knowing the effort I put in, I thought I’d at least improve my CAP by a bit.

Unfortunately, things did not go as planned.

I guess there were some minor slip ups leading to finals that resulted in my lacklustre performance.

Firstly, I became very complacent. I left a lot of things to the last minute, cramming information into my brain a few days before the examination itself. I was also unprepared for examinations, forgetting things and not being calm before the exam. Probably the messy mental state played a role…

Secondly, my revision schedule was messy, to say the least. I did not stick to it and when I do, I did not reap the full benefits of revision. It was to say, quantity instead of quality. Furthermore, my revision materials were too messy that half the time was spent on finding the right materials with the right information on it. Probably I’d need to start filing from next semester onwards. That might help.

Lastly, I was becoming arrogant. I thought I knew all the information at the back of my hand. So, I didn’t do many reviews of practices. I think that played a role in my poor results.

I’m just really disappointed and it just goes to show that there are still bad traits that I need to rid myself of.

May Y2 be a better year for me.

I’ve started a series

I’ve started a series on Medium on the lessons that I learn this Ramadan.

I think Medium is a really good platform for not only blogging but for writers to channel their creativity in completely new ways.

By creating a series I would like my readers to be more immersed in the lessons that I’ve learnt, in the experiences that I’ve gained, and follow me along on this journey to better myself.

I just hope that this mini side project will turn out good.

I kind of like…

I don’t know.

Gosh.

You know you’re in deep shit when someone is constantly on your mind the whole day.

I just have to wait it out but to be honest, I don’t know what to feel. I’ve been infatuated with this particular person for a while now but I just can’t bring myself to justify whatever emotion I am having.

Like… to be honest, why am I even infatuated with that person? Is it because I spend a lot of time with the person? Is it because I crave having a conversation with her? Is it because she’s just so easy to click with? I don’t know. I guess, in my humble opinion, I just find her intelligent, quite pretty, awkwardly funny, goal-driven and sometimes, contemplating just like me. However, I don’t think that justifies why I should feel the way I am feeling.

Maybe it is just my brain being sooooo deprived of romantic love interests that it just decides to go with anyone that come my way.

So, the question now is… what should I do? Should I wait it out like what I’ve always done or to pursue that emotion wholeheartedly knowing no fear?

What if I make a terrible mistake? What if I ruin that particularly one good chance? What if? What if?

I’m glad that it is Ramadan now which means I have no choice but to wait it out. Let’s just see what happens at the end of Ramadan.

I’m 22 and sooner or later, I’ll be faced with the same problem I have now. There’s no running away. I just hope that whatever Allah SWT planned for me will be good and I can’t wait to see what happens.

Ramadan

Ramadan is finally here.

And with every Ramadan is the challenge to repent of the sins of the past and to be truly God-conscious.

I have always believed in the importance of setting goals and it is no different for Ramadan.

Therefore, here is a list of things that I truly want to strive for this Ramadan:

  1. Memorise 5 short surahs.
  2. Read 2 books.
  3. Clean the house.

I just want to be as productive as possible this Ramadan.

May Allah guide me to the straight path. Amin.

Adulting??

I’m turning 22 this December. Heck, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! 22?!

Gosh, I’m so old. There was a time when I wished to grow up quickly but now, I just wished for it to stop. Every year past the age of 20, the reality dawned on me that real adult life is just around the corner.

I mean I’m already considered an adult but reality has this way of slapping you hard in the face even if you expect it. So, I began to wrack my brain about the possible things I’d need to know as an adult and I realised that almost everything that I’d need to know were never taught in school. Especially so when such skills are needed immediately once we step out of school!

Gosh, things like how to get into a relationship properly, how to build a stable family foundation, how to sustain a family, how to be a full-fledged working adult, how to balance work and play…

Come to think of it, almost 18 years of education has prepped me nothing for the adult life except knowing how to interact and communicate with others. Apart from that, our minds are just filled with mathematics, the sciences and countless other advanced information that we might never have the need to know in the real world.

I’m not saying that hard facts and skills are useless. Of course, they primed our brain to think logically, rationally, and systematically. However, they have no practical applications in this thing called life. Even scientists have to rely on their soft skills to navigate their way through the harsh world.

“The more in-depth your major is, the more useless it becomes.”

The quote above was what my friend said when we were on the bus and I couldn’t help but agree.

As we go higher and higher in academia, the knowledge that we gained becomes less and less useful for our everyday lives. Such knowledge is only for specialised tasks like research and the pursuit of new techniques, things that we don’t usually do on a daily basis.

What I’m getting at is that, as much as I love school, I’m utterly stressed out by the number of things about adulting that I have to cram into my brain in these last four years. Also, in these last four years, I am also expected to get an inkling of an idea of how I’d run my life.

To be honest.

I still have yet to find a clue.

I just hope whatever I learn in the coming years will be beneficial for me as I slowly enter the world of adulthood. I just don’t want to be shocked by what is out there.

 

When fun becomes work. 

I think what they say is true, when your hobby becomes work, you tend to want to stray away from it. 

I think that’s precisely what’s happening to my creative work of photography and creating in general. 

Being in-charge of several publicity ‘departments’, I’m expected to churn out creative work after creative work every single day. It gets tiring after a while and soon I began to do half-assed work. 

I don’t think I managed to spend more than an hour straight just focusing on a single piece of work. Instead, my mind jumps from one to another, diluting my creativity. 

I guess that might be why my work is becoming so bad. 

I realised this while I was editing the Silat Highlights Reel just now. I tend to make certain leeways on imperfections that I otherwise would never have done. Gosh. 

Maybe I’m just tired? 

I don’t know. 

Anyway, not only that, I realised that I’ve become super critical and controlling of how things should be done and get easily annoyed when things just doesn’t work out. 

Sometimes I wonder if I’m trapped in a cycle of busyness and whether I’m as good as what people expect me to be. 

Gosh. 

This is hard.