Is this an illusion?

To be honest, I’m not sure whether I’m literally overwhelmed by work or am I lying to myself about the amount of work I have.

I don’t know.

I’m feeling pretty confused, lost and unorganised. Everything seemed to be everywhere, all at the same time.

I know that I have to take things one at a time but it is getting hard when 1923193912 signals come to you at any one time.

Furthermore, there’re so many things that I want to do and so many things that I need to do but there’s so little time. I’m annoyed at how fast time flies. Heck, one example is now, it’s already Week 6?! Can you believe it? I’m still struggling to make sense of school and still trying to find the balance between everything that is happening in my life.

I’m just afraid that I lose the delicate balance of it all.

As of now, I can say that I am surviving but surviving is not what I want. I want to soar. I want to strive high. I want to feel confident that whatever I do will be my 100%. However, as of late, I don’t think that’s what I’m feeling. The lack of sleep, the rushing from class to class. The countless minor errands that I need to do on a daily basis. They’re slowly getting to me.

I’ve told my friends before that I honestly missed being in the library, to stay till late, just hustling and working. Unfortunately, I cannot do that as often anymore. Commitments call on me, stealing my time away from what’s important or is it?

Argh. Sometimes (actually, most of the time) I wish to be able to be awake for 24/7. Sometimes, I even wish that I can survive on just 4 hours of sleep, maybe on none at all! But I know my body better than anyone else, I can’t survive and be productive if I have less than 6 hours of rest. It’s annoying but I know that I have to clock in those sleep hours.

I should prioritise. I really think I should.

Okay, let’s prioritise then:

  1. School
    I have studies to handle. Recess Week is coming followed by Mid-Terms. I need to start revising.
  2. Silat
    Not that important anymore actually. I can afford to skip training. Hmm…
  3. NUSMS
    Just meetings and the like. Creatively-drained.
  4. Self
    I need to read. I miss reading so much. Oh ya, and blogging too.
  5. Social + Family
    Whenever needed.

I guess I have somewhat a priority list but darn it. I guess I have to really make my time spent more efficient. Every single period I have have to be used wisely. I really can’t afford to waste any more time.

Ya Allah, really please do help me. I can do this.


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