I did tell her like after so long but I guess due to the circumstances, it changed the meaning of it all.
If you don’t know me, I’m a true believer in practicality, efficiency and making the best out of everything I do. I am also a true believer of the environment impacting the choices that we make. This extends from the simple day to day choices of buying food to the more intangible things such as love and emotions.
And… it is the latter that I think kind of changed the moment.
I guess she’s right. I mean I can’t trust my own emotions in this case and I’m as hell of confused on what to do about it. It might be real, it might be a creation of the mind, it might be anything in fact but my true self really believed that the environment that I am in played a huge role.
This as hell does not mean that I wouldn’t have been attracted to her if not for the circumstances, hell no. A bright mind will always be a point of attraction for me but yea, the circumstances might have changed the way the feelings could have developed.
It’s long… I had feelings for her for so long but in retrospect, everything could have been different and more… natural. I don’t know. Things happen and I can’t change that.
Now, I have to learn to let go. It’s hard you know, letting go of emotions just like that. I’ve done it a couple of times before, suppressing emotions, but I had never let it developed as long as this. It’s not fleeting and I know how fleeting emotions are like.
I don’t know. I’ll just do what I can.
This quote from ‘In the Mood for Love’ sums it up nicely,
Feelings can creep up just like that. I thought I was in control.
I thought I was in control. Turns out, I wasn’t.
Till next time.