In 2017, I learnt to have an emotion, an emotion that I was obsessed with for the entire year. It started with a spark and over time, it became a full-blown fire.
At first, I didn’t know what to feel, discovering myself, wondering if it was ever the right thing to feel. However, as I confronted that emotion, I realised that it might be real.
Even though the spark was caused by something else, something psychological, I began to learn to embrace that emotion. However, it is still caused me a certain discomfort of whether it was the right path to take.
I guess… it was never meant to be.
No. No. Don’t get me wrong, I am not heartbroken or anything, I am just disappointed in myself for following my emotions rather than taking the practical path. I was all about practicality but I guess the emotions had the better of me.
I really can’t do this anymore, I truly want to move on but these feelings chained me down. I’ve gone too deep and it seemed there might never be a return. I am trapped.
Also, I realised that there are certain traits that I tended to. One is jealousy, the other is spitefulness. Fortunately, I realised those emotions early on, possibly a coping mechanism of not achieving what I want and Alhamdulillah, I’m working on fixing them, numbing them, suppressing them. I had been successful controlling such emotions for almost 21 years of my life, what makes this any different?
I don’t know.
I guess 22 is the age where I began to realise that I am in fact growing old, my priorities changed, my interests changed and thus, so do my feelings.
They say that as you get older, you become more emotional. That is true for my dad, it might be happening now, for me?
I don’t know. Petty emotions, petty things. These things are not important. They’re a distraction from what is truly important which is to improve yourselves. Work on yourself and make someone out of yourself.
Don’t get distracted.
I hope I can get over this by 2018.