Maybe I’m not nice

Maybe I’m not as good as a person as I thought I was.

Maybe all of this is a front for the person who I truly am, a child hidden in an adult’s body. Maybe I’m just lying to myself, trying to believe in a child’s dream. Who am I to say that I can one day be successful? Who am I to be able to control my emotions and always be ‘the nice one’.

Sometimes I can’t help but speak my mind. Is it wrong to do so? Maybe it is the delivery and the timing? I don’t know. People always think that I come across as rude. Am I really? Is it because of my inability to read through walls upon walls of body language that makes me feel this way? And I thought that I am able to read body language easily. I thought wrong.

Maybe I should have been the supportive one. Instead of criticising, I should have listened to her more. I shouldn’t have aired my grievances too early. I was annoyed, yes, but maybe it was at the wrong time. She is having it hard and I should have understood that. I was too honest. Maybe I was too blunt.

Sigh. How do I change as a person? It is how I have been all these while. I need to be more patient and I should be working on it. It is just disappointing to know that I am full of flaws. Humans are full of flaws but it is just saddening to see your own as clear as daylight.


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