Coming to terms

Life is full of contrasts. You need one to see the other. One cannot appreciate happiness without sadness.

I think I’m slowly coming to terms with this breakup. Life is usually filled with processes and not the end result. It is through the process that we learn. I guess entering this relationship was part of the process of making me into a better person.

I’ve been a broken person before and during the relationship but I think I failed to realise that and only seeing it after. By making me going through the process of falling in love, being emotionally attached to someone and then breaking up, Allah SWT might have wanted me to realise that I’ve been broken all along and that I haven’t been whole for a long time.

By going through this break up, He made me realise that I can never be dependent on someone else and the break up is what I needed to bring me back closer to Him.

We can never truly understand what He wants but my best guess is that the pain of this experience is for my own benefit and to make me a better person. I’ve strayed from the straight path for a very long time and it is about time I fixed my soul.

Life is full of contrasts and I guess throughout my time with her, I wasn’t able to appreciate the happiness that I had. I had never experienced the pain of a break up or any other emotional trauma and thus, I wasn’t able to truly appreciate her. I became too comfortable and slowly became insensitive. Only through this was I able to understand what it means to be in a relationship, to truly cherish one another and to truly give each other 100% attention. We might not have been meant for each other but I still cherish her and love her for tolerating me. This is a huge takeaway from this experience and I will definitely learn from it for my next relationship whenever that is.

Sigh. Regardless, it is hard to swallow but those are lessons that I really need to learn from. I had always been broken and I had always been ill-prepared for marriage and I wouldn’t have known otherwise without this experience.

I’m glad that I’m emotionally stable enough to learn but sadness still lingers of what could’ve been.

Thank you for everything, Syazana. May we continue to be close friends and be there for one another whenever needed. ♥

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