What do I feel?

What do I feel?

I think I still feel lonely, sad and also disappointed.

Despite a few weeks had passed, it still feels somewhat sad that it happened and working in an industry that is all about love and happiness doesn’t make it any easier.

With so many of my friends getting engaged and married this period of the year, it can’t be helped that I would compare them to myself. The question I would ask myself is this: “Why do they get their happily ever after and not me?”

Maybe it is the wrong time for me, maybe I’m just too early in the process, maybe it is a way for Allah SWT to tell me that I’m not ready, maybe, maybe, maybe…

Regardless, heartbreak is not something that can easily be mended and no matter how much I try to act natural in front of her, there’ll still be there soreness in my heart. It is especially so seeing her happy and energetic with someone else despite knowing that their relationship is just friends. I can’t help but feel jealous and looking back, maybe it was because she was never like that with me. She was never her true excited self, singing, laughing and being in the moment. Looking back, she was always uptight, proper, calm and seemingly minimally bored. Now, I realised maybe I was just not her type…

Argh, it doesn’t get any easier, does it?

I just want the feelings to end so I can finally move on but no… it. doesn’t. get. any. easier…

I just know that I cannot willingly give my heart to anyone anymore lest they find me unsuitable for them and crush it. I have learnt to safeguard it and to protect it.

Sigh,

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