what are we

It has been slightly more than a month. My emotions were in control and I was, all in all, myself. I no longer felt intense grief nor sadness or even felt disappointed. When people asked me how I was, I truly felt… fine. But I guess I was wrong.

Even after being more than a month since we parted, even after the ‘closures’ that I had, even after being able to converse with her as friends when we met, yesterday was far from fine. When I saw her, I couldn’t bring myself to look at her in the eye. When she tried to start a conversation with me, I couldn’t say anything else other than an ‘okay’. To be very honest, I’m sooo heartbroken. I haven’t felt like this since the day after we broke up. I felt the tension in the air when she tried to start a conversation, it was as if the whole world paused and I could feel how hard it was for her.

I’m heartbroken. I am. I thought I wasn’t but I’m very sure now that I am. I’m hurt not because of how she felt but I’m hurt because of how blind I was. I’m hurt not because of how it ended but because of how delusional I was. I should’ve known better that it was all too good to be true. I should’ve safeguarded my heart better. I should’ve, I should’ve, I should’ve…

sigh.

it will never be the same again.

i guess it is true that you can never and should never be friends with your exes. i don’t know what we are now but what i truly know is that everything has changed…

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