2 months

2 days ago, it was two months since the break up and amazingly, I feel wonderful. Though, it was not without much effort.

There was a point of time during those two months where I relapsed greatly and my emotions were almost out of control. However, I am truly blessed to have the social and emotional support of my friends to guide me and snap me out of it. But even after the two months since then, I still like her a lot. I want to say that I have moved on but I don’t think I truly will not with the possibility of us getting back together, wallahua’lam. Regardless, my feelings for her had never changed since then and I still love her as much as I did before. However, I am now more in control and I think I am confident enough to leave fate to Allah SWT.

It is unfortunate that we had to go through such a painful process just to learn a few lessons but I feel that such lessons had to be taught. I do not think I would have snapped out of my state of comfort and stagnation if not for the break up and I am eternal grateful. However, the pain that I had went through should never be felt by anyone at all.

But alhamdulillah, I have overcame the most critical phase of a break up and I am really grateful for Him for showing me the light. Alhamdulillah, I was able to see the hikmah behind everything that had happened and insyaAllah, I can only go up from here.

Some of my friends may want to ask me, “What if she falls in love with someone else?” and to that I would say, “Alhamdulillah, that makes it easier for me to truly move on.” Why? Because our soulmates have already been written long before we were created and if she and I are not soulmates, then it might be someone else out there, ultimately, He knows what’s best.

Though, sometimes I wonder if He is playing a cosmic joke on me because everywhere I turn to and everything that I do reminds me of her. It is definitely because a lot of our activities overlap but if Allah SWT truly wants to fulfil, “… distance [her] away from me if [she’s] not meant for me…”, He would have made it clearer and distanced her away from me but instead, she’s there… every… single… time… Well, it might just be mere coincidence but then again… nothing is by coincidence. Ugh. I just hope I get the answer soon.

Anyway, I’m just really blessed by everything that has been happening in my life and there are also many things going for me. I’m so driven right now too and I don’t think I would have matured as much if not for the break up.

Ugh. Thank you.

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