Seeing without glasses

sometimes I wish that I can write a song for you just to let you know my inner feelings and chaotic it is inside.

sometimes I wish that you can see me in the time when I’m alone just so that you know that I’m always thinking about you.

sometimes I wish that you can love me the way I love you just so you know that you’re not alone in this.

sometimes I just wish that I can know your thoughts so that I know that you’re okay.

but sometimes, we can’t have everything that we want. sometimes… things happen just because… and sometimes things happen because He wants to teach you lessons.

it is easy to say that we have moved on, to verbally announce that the past is the past and that we are moving onwards on the path of self-development. But we all know that that isn’t the truth. The pain still lingers and the memories of what could’ve been playing in your mind vying for attention. sometimes those thoughts win and you are then caught up in a loop of sadness as you replay sad song after sad song…

but sometimes you caught hold of the light, you embraced it and you grow relentlessly…

the truth is that to move on is a very tough thing to do because everything you do reminds you of her. kinda sucks? yeh.

it is like waking up with a cloud over your head, you are not able to truly see clearly but you have to. you live your life squinting and trying to make sense of the blurryness of it all.

it is sad I know but I guess the lessons learnt is much more fulfilling and whatever that may come will definitely be better than the past. I’m open to anything and everything that happen from now on and I know that He will never purposely put His slave into trying times unless it is for the slave’s own good.

I just wish that sometimes I get clearer signs from Allah SWT, guiding me and telling me what to do so that I can do it with full conviction. I also wish that I’m closer to Him. I want to but sometimes I fall through the cracks. I want to be a good person, a nice person, a person loved by many. It is hard but I sometimes just wish I am a different person, a sedated version of myself. Sigh.

May we always continue to grow and be better. Always. Amin.

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