it has been a long time since I talked to myself. I think, in a way, I’m afraid of what I might discover deep inside.

Many things have happened since I was away. One of the things is that I’ve finally completed and submitted my thesis. It was a 10-month long work and I’m just so happy that it is over. I had to struggle with many things throughout those 10 months but I am blessed that I managed to trudge through it.

and that’s all over.

But I guess, in a way, I have yet to completely move on from the past.

There was a girl that entered my life and I was truly interested in her but I guess because I did not completely moved on, I tried to find traits that were never in her, traits that reminded me of my ex. That was unfair.

So I became uncomfortable when things began to happen too quickly. I had to take a pause which led to my current situation.

To be honest, I yearn to be back to I was before. At least when I was in pain, I placed my heart in Allah’s hands. I trusted in Him and I sought comfort in Him but now, I feel like a hypocrite. I feel like I’m trying to build my own future instead of navigating the one He had planned for me. And I’m trying too hard that it is leading to disappointments.

Maybe time is what I need? Distance? I don’t know but what I know is that I need to trust in Him a 100%. The future has already been written and whatever He has planned for us will happen, regardless. A friend of mine told me that I should not do anything. Anything meaning that I should not put in much effort to move in any particular direction but go with the flow. And I think that is the best thing to do now. My heart is confused and I guess I just need Allah SWT to slowly unravel what He wants for me and what He has in store for me.

I should focus on other things in life like my career which I think should be prioritized.


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