Today I learnt the most painful thing ever.
To see the person you love love someone else can destroy you.
To listen to her speak his name for no apparent reason brings pain.
To be close to her and being neither here nor there makes you question what is actually your worth.
But you know that you are worth so much more.
I know that this jealousy that I have will destroy me if I don’t stop it. I need to internalise that she is not for me and may never be. She broke my heart and I don’t think I want to do it all over again. Maybe I will wait till I’m 27. Maybe I won’t. I don’t know but what I do know is that whatever that is coming for me will be better.
A friend of mine told me to be patient, for her to slowly realise that whatever her feelings are for this other guy was to fill up a void and that one day, if it’s meant to be, she will realise it that I’ve been there all along.
Everybody tells me that this friendship with her makes things more complicated and that it will hurt me so much but I can’t see any other way. I can’t show her that her feelings for other guys and her telling me that hurts me. I have to be objective and real because other than her family, she doesn’t tell anyone else about it. I’m willing.
Only He knows what’s coming for me and I have full faith in Him. If it’s meant for me, it will come regardless of the situation.
I can plan all I want but He is the best of Planners after all.