Go je.

There are things to think about and there are things that I am definitely trying to run away from. However, all of these problems that I have, I will have to face them one way or another. If not, it will just prolong the pain.

These ‘feelings’ if I were to describe them as such towards her has been easier to handle when I am physically far away from her. However, I don’t know what will happen if I return. The question is whether I would give her the chance again if she were to show interest again? Though I doubt that that will happen. Regardless, it is definitely a possibility. Despite the fact that we made a pact, such a question should be addressed.

Okay, to think of it… I might actually give her the chance if there is a spark and if shows interest again. However, it also depends on my feelings towards her at that point of time. If, for example, I have fallen for someone else by the time she shows interest, I don’t think it would be fair for her or the other girl too. I don’t think that that would be fair for my heart too. As of now, I feel okay letting her go and be with someone else. Maybe I have to admit that I am jealous sometimes but I am feeling so much better about it. And maybe the world is just telling me that she is not for me. Slowly, I’m starting to realise that I am actually giving in a lot to her when we were together. And that is not good because I have always felt as if I cannot be myself around her. Maybe if she is different the next time round (which may never happen), maybe then I would give her the chance. If not, I think it is better to move on. It hurts to say this but there are just some things that have to be done.

I’m slowly falling for someone else and someone (so far), so much more in tuned with me. Though it is still early to say anything… Regardless, if she wants me back, she better do it fast. Allah knows best.

Anyway, it has only been 2 days in Korea and I’m slowly finding a routine. I kind of like it and I just have to be braver in interacting with the locals. Though it can be hard at times but I think my position as a foreigner should be fine. I hope they don’t think I’m stupid or something. I think the fear is that of awkward situations.

Gah.

Lets do this.

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