24

“How old are you?”

“24”

In my heart: Heck, 24?! I’m getting old. There’s no turning back.

When we were 16, we thought that when someone is 24, they would have their life together with all the aspirations to achieve success. We thought that they would be mature adults filled with mature thinking and able to make decisive decisions. Well, it is far from the truth.

I don’t think most of us who are 24 even have readiness to be an adult.

WE’RE JUST CHILDREN STUCK IN ADULT BODIES.

We still want to have fun, take risks, do stupid things. We are still exploring freedom.

But again, society strikes and just upon reaching our 25th birthday, the peak of freedom, we are struck by societal norms. The need to find a job, to settle down, to buy a house and ‘get our sh** together’. Regardless, we are forced into following what society asks of us and so we conform. There is no longer any time and space to procrastinate and ‘do what we want’. Maybe there is a paradigm shift in that sort of thinking in the West but not here in the East. We are still stuck in that mindset of finding a good job for a good life regardless of what we want in life. That was how our parents survived and that is what they thought us to live. To them, what is ‘passion’? It is as close a foreign word as French.

But upon realising that I’m 24 with 3 semesters left before real life hits, it somewhat give me a motivation boost to start working on my future and prepare the necessary things that I need to survive adulthood for decades to come. Aside from plans to settle down and buying a house, the thought of what my career would be also filled my already preoccupied brain. Regardless, it is something that I have to dive into.

I guess like what I said in the beginning of the semester which is to treat this year as a year of ‘experimentation’, I would. It is a year where I need to take as much risks as possible regardless of the consequences though they have to still be legal.

BTO
SPA_CEDOUT
PHOTOGRAPHY
RELIGION/QURAN

I think that is all for now.

Aside from the other commitments that I have like FYP and FOC, I think this will be a good year of trial and error.

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Maybe I’m not nice

Maybe I’m not as good as a person as I thought I was.

Maybe all of this is a front for the person who I truly am, a child hidden in an adult’s body. Maybe I’m just lying to myself, trying to believe in a child’s dream. Who am I to say that I can one day be successful? Who am I to be able to control my emotions and always be ‘the nice one’.

Sometimes I can’t help but speak my mind. Is it wrong to do so? Maybe it is the delivery and the timing? I don’t know. People always think that I come across as rude. Am I really? Is it because of my inability to read through walls upon walls of body language that makes me feel this way? And I thought that I am able to read body language easily. I thought wrong.

Maybe I should have been the supportive one. Instead of criticising, I should have listened to her more. I shouldn’t have aired my grievances too early. I was annoyed, yes, but maybe it was at the wrong time. She is having it hard and I should have understood that. I was too honest. Maybe I was too blunt.

Sigh. How do I change as a person? It is how I have been all these while. I need to be more patient and I should be working on it. It is just disappointing to know that I am full of flaws. Humans are full of flaws but it is just saddening to see your own as clear as daylight.

Hmm…

A list.

good morning.

I want to hustle like Gary Vaynerchuk but I think I lacked the things to do?

Regardless, I will try to hustle like him this week and get as many things done as possible. However, I still do not understand why I will fall asleep every single time when I’m reading lecture notes. It is the worst. Maybe it is my brain telling me that the content is boring or maybe it is just me as a person. Hmm… whatever it is, I must try to stay awake. I know that I’m not actually tired but rather, it is my body that enters this semi-rest mode that makes me sleepy. I need to be more engaged.

Anyway, it is already Day 4 of school and I’m feeling pumped for what is to come. I guess from my experience in school this week, it will be a very lonely semester though I think it is about time.

Okay, the hustle continues. I need to make a list of the things to do.

the word

the word that I was trying to find is ‘co-working space’.

So basically the idea is that people from any organization from start-ups to big companies can come together to work at a single space which provides them with the essentials that they need. However, unlike other co-working spaces that are already available in the market, this space is intended for creators of any type. This means that there will be an audio recording space, video and digital editing space and even a space for painters filled with canvases and paints of various types.

It is to promote collaboration between creators and to encourage creativity.

More than just resources can be provided such as a cafe, a restaurant and such. Facilities and amenities that promotes creativity.

Hmm…

Putting things into action

Today is technically a school day.

However, it is an off day for me.

Regardless, it is time to put things into action and to practise good routines.

I better not mess it up this semester.

I have too much on the line.

Bismillah.

Also, just like what Seth Godin suggested, I should continue blogging every day as it puts the mind in focus.

Oh, one last thing before I forget. I learnt a new phrase: Hadha min fadli rabbi which means ‘This is by the Grace of my Lord’.

Don’t be afraid to dream

What am I actually chasing after?

Write it to be as detailed as possible:

I want a photography business.

What kind of photography business?

A portrait photographer with an own studio that allows Singaporean creators to launch their artworks and act as a stepping stone into the art scene. This studio can have many different segments to accommodate different types of creators from painters to singers to video editors.

A website that features these artists and their current work that allows audiences to follow them through their progress. As people are now more curious than ever to know about the thought processes and the efforts that go in into the making of an artwork or a final product, this website/magazine-styled site can be a platform to showcase it. Curated and focused, it is unlike Youtube.

Probably, it can collaborate with other artists from all over to work on works that is exclusive to a specific audience.

Instead of people discovering and shouting all across the web, we provide a curated group of creatives every month + works that enlighten creators. Allows easy access to audiences and for audiences, easy access to high-quality creators.

May it is just a dream but I think for now, this idea is fine.

But how shall I move on from here?

What should I do?

A year of experimentation

It’s already night but the night just gets crowder.

With bustling streets and packed clubs, people are awaiting the coming of the New Year. With bottles of champagne and a company of loved ones, they sat under the stars awaiting the fireworks. However, some of us prefer to sit in solace, accompanied by a good book or just in thought of the opportunities to come.

Yet another year.

Yet another year filled with new disasters, new sadness, new experiences. However, it is also filled with new opportunities. New opportunities to be seized, new paths to tread, new doors to open. We won’t know what 2019 holds until we carefully tread along its path.

Whatever it is, I’m sure we will experience bouts of sadness, happiness, confusion and even depression but we should not allow them to control our lives, not even happiness. We should experience each emotion fully, consciously. With mental health becoming in a huge concern in our society, we should remember to be in check.

Anyway, looking back at my 2018, I feel that I’ve achieved quite a few things.

Firstly, I’ve found the LOML, insyaAllah. She’s been there all these while but I never realised it until May this year. I’m glad to have made the move because I see a future with her. May our love for each other continue to develop for one another over the years to come. May 2019 holds much more growth for both of us.

Secondly, I competed in TSC2018. I’m glad I did because it was one hell of an experience. The vigorous training that we put ourselves in, the hours upon hours of training and the sacrifice that we’ve made. I think it was worth it. However, looking at my future, I don’t think I would be competing as there are other things that I want to focus on this year. It was an experience that I will never forget.

Thirdly, I began to call myself a photographer. After getting a few wedding gigs and being a photographer for a Streetwear event, I realised that this is something that I love to do. This is something that I would pursue. However, to build a business out of it is something hard but it does not mean that it cannot be done. Whatever it is, I would love to keep making art till the day I die. I hope to be an artist until my final breath. This year, I will put more work into this business and hustle further to make my dream a reality.

Also, I went for umrah and sought Allah. It was a memorable moment and I hope for the effects to be life changing. May I continue to seek His pleasure until I die.

2018 has also been a year of broken friendships and broken hearts for many of my friends. I pray that He mends their hearts and heal them from the dark emotions they are facing. May they continue to be true to themselves and seek to do whatever that is good. Amin.

2019 is a year of experimentation. I think I should also implement monthly challenges to motivate me throughout the year. 2019 is all about going ‘All Out’ and to strive for new horizons and break barriers. I cannot wait for what’s in store. Bismillah.