I think at the end of my journey in NUS, the thought of finding a partner has definitely crossed my mind a million times. It is not surprising to be worried about it at all because once this period of your life is done, your options become limited.

I don’t want to scare myself but that is the truth is it not?

However, if it has been ordained for you, why worry? She’ll come around whoever she is. I hope.

To be honest, today I’m feeling less motivated. I’m not on point nor am I excited about anything. Low key kind of afraid of what’s to come.

Sometimes we go back to the past because that’s what’s comfortable but also sometimes, we have to move on from the past to find something better.

you won’t know.

i think that is a very dangerous motto to live by. I mean aside from the good things that it can bring you, there is still that danger of risking everything because otherwise… you won’t know.

There are so many things that I am unsure about and the most recent advice I’ve gotten is that ‘you won’t know unless you try and you die trying’. Well, maybe not those exact words but something along those lines.

Anyway, yeh. I think it is dangerous because you are basically risking everything without a hint of the possible outcome from the actions that you are going to take. It is to risk everything and to put everything on the line for something that you won’t know you will get anything out of.

The advice was given to me because of something that I have been thinking about for a while. I need some substance before I do what I might want to do…

waiting… growing… developing.

it will soon come

good morning.

this is just an update.

actually, I have nothing much to update except that I feel the need to type out something. Anyway, yesterday, I had a conversation with a friend and at that point of time, I realised I can’t wait to graduate. I guess it is the bugging feeling that I still have to focus on school work while trying to build a dream.

I realised that I have gained all of what I needed from university. I have joined several committees, I have become an advisor, I started out my business in university, I joined and competed in sports, I networked and gained many useful skills. To be honest, I don’t know what else I can get from university. However, I will definitely miss the friends that I have made the chill life I had in university. The friends are definitely one of the key takeaways from university and I will sorely miss them. Oh well… In this last few weeks, I shall bring them out on ‘dates’. The inevitable end will soon come.

insanity.

good afternoon.

there are many things on my mind, I mean, as always but today I just want to talk about something. I think it is important for me or maybe it can be an exciting thing for me.

I want to get back into minimalism. I think in the past few weeks, I have been so involved in life or rather, not caring about life that I have neglected my life or the neatness of my life. I think aside from my constant worry about my finances, there are also other things that lead to me having a very confusing time in life. I think my life is slowly getting messy and I need to clear things up and get a routine back in order.

Firstly, I think I need to reduce my wardrobe. I mean… I have already done it once but since my mom wants to donate some clothes to Indonesia, I think why not take the chance. There is this 333 challenge of minimalism which is to only wear 33 pairs of clothes for 3 months. I have already done it in Korea and I think I can still manage it in Singapore. I have been wearing the same clothes the past few weeks and I think for now, my style has been the same. It is unchanging. Hm… and I kind of like this style now.

Anyway, that is one. So yea, I have to clean up my wardrobe. Next, I have to figure out a cleaning schedule. I have been using up my socks at a rapid pace and I have not yet able to clean them on time. I have been washing my trousers at a rapid pace and that is good but the socks… hmm… Let’s see.

Next, I have to streamline my projects. I have so many ambitions and it is actually taking a toll on my mind. It gets confusing and dividing my attention. I also cannot seem to work at my room for long. Either it gets too hot or I get distracted by something. I need a change of environment. Currently, I am at Maxx Coffee in NUS and I am really loving the vibe now. Good posture and stuff.

Okay, next, iman. I have to admit that my iman has taken a toll the past few weeks. I mean especially since Korea. I want to get it back on track and I think there are several ways of doing it. However, I feel that sometimes I tend to lose motivation? I’m forcing myself to do some more spiritual things like today, I’m going to meet a friend of mine to recite a few surahs. I think even though my recitation is kinda trashy, I think it will be a start. Bismillah.

Hm. There is also this concern about my love life. Hm… do I really like her? I don’t know. I think I do but I don’t know whether I want to commit. I think I am afraid of making a mistake. I think I do.

These are just some things to think about.

To be honest, a friend of mine asked me today, what am I waiting for? Precisely… I don’t know.

“Insanity is when you do something over and over again expecting a different outcome.”

I have brought my A game of annoyance and haven’t been the best to her and she can still tolerate me. I think it might mean something. I think I should be nicer to her. Hm… I mean I don’t want her to be hurt at the end of the day. Oh gosh.

I think I’m just waiting for her to show a red flag. I know that’s kind of rude but… sigh.

I don’t know. sigh. 😦

good morning,

there are some work to be done and I think I will want to do it in school.

Been missing the hustle vibe for quite a while now.

Yes. Let’s do this.

Like I said yesterday, I’m very much distracted. I think it is because I am task-switching very very frequently. Seriously. A minute ago I was researching on education systems in Singapore and their reforms and now, I’m typing out this blog post. Okay Hakim, seriously… this is getting ridiculous.

I need to go to school tomorrow and sort myself out. Also, I need to know what teaching aids to use for my presentation on Tuesday… Hm.