Mindset Shift

I think I’ve spent too much time in the mindset of a procrastinator that it is being reflected in the way I carry myself every day.

I think this is even more apparent from my results of the past semester where I barely scraped through.

I think a mindset shift is needed and no matter what, I will try to do that in the next few days.

I think I’m slowly getting back that hustler vibe and mood. A reignition of the engine that has long been cold.

Bismillah.

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Ramadan Flew

This year, Ramadan flew past real quick. I’m not sure how could it have passed by so quickly but it did.

Thus, this calls for a reflection.

In the past month, I tried to focus on memorising surahs from Juz’ Amma and also learn some tafsir of certain common surahs which relates back to why I decided on going to the weekend classes at Al-Qudwah. In relation to the goal of memorising, I did memorise three new surahs as of today: Al-Fil, Al-Humazah and Al-Adiyat. I kind of memorised Al-Maun too but I just have to review that again. So far so good I think. I guess I’m taking it slow and steady but insyaAllah, it’ll be beneficial for me.

Aside from that, I’ve been volunteering which I think is something different for me this Ramadan. I’m not of the volunteering type and I guess being in NUSMS helped me to break out of that shell by acting as a platform for me to try volunteering. I also volunteered with NUS Silat in collaboration with 4PM which I think was a wonderful experience though many things could have been better.

Hmm… something new for this Ramadan too is that it is filled with leftover work from the past Academic Year and I’m just trying to clear it. So far, it has been tough as my motivation drastically waned and I spent most of my time watching ‘The Office’. Heh. Still trying to find that motivation again, maybe it lies in minimalism videos. ha. ha. ha…

That reminds me, I might want to clear my room from all the nonsense of the past academic year.

Well, anyway, the last 10 nights of Ramadan are here and we just have to hustle hard to try to achieve the Night of Power, Laylatul Qadr. InsyaAllah, may He forgive all our sins and may He guide us on the path of the Prophet SAW. No matter how little your efforts are in the path of Allah SWT, may He reward us manifold for it. Amin.

Repentance

50% of Ramadan has passed. What have we done? What have we achieved?

It’s sad to see that Ramadan is rapidly coming to an end. But I guess it really doesn’t matter how long Ramadan is if we’re not in constant effort to seek His pleasure.

I fear that I will exit Ramadan without being forgiven for in a hadith:

“A Muslim who enters and exits Ramadan without being forgiven is a real loser.”

So let us constantly seek His forgiveness and repent daily.

Let me think about it

I have been having trouble focusing as of late, especially during prayer.

One of the main goals of a Muslim during prayer is to attain khusyu’ which means to have an intense focus on the prayer itself. One does not want their minds to wander about during prayer and be heedless to what is happening in the prayer i.e. the words that are being recited.

But as of late, I have not achieved that. My mind wandered about aimlessly going from place to place. It was hard to focus too. I don’t know why it is happening but one thing I know is that it is really starting to annoy me to a great degree.

It is Ramadan and I want to attain the best possible salah and the best possible state during that salah but it is hard if your mind starts to wander. I have tried to be consciously aware but in just a split second, I can lose sight of it.

I guess if I really want to search for an excuse, one is that it is already mid-Ramadan and possibly I’m in a state of spiritual fatigue whereby it becomes tiring to do the extra good deeds as the motivation of Ramadan slowly begins to wear off. It is a problem. I need to reignite the flame somehow. Two days ago, I had the opportunity to meet the Mufti of Singapore himself and one thing he said that one has to always have a goal, a vision that one can strive for. It is to keep yourself grounded and not wander about aimlessly. I guess looking at it, I have lost that vision for myself. I’m doing so many things at once that I ended up not doing anything at all.

I need a vision or at least a goal.

Let me think about it.

 

Creativity: I’m not feeling so good…

I need a new project in life.

Something that I can look forward to completing.

I need to practise this creativity muscle. If not, it’ll only weaken into a weak and messy slob.

Maybe what’s holding me back is my incomplete resume. Heh. Darn it.

Must. Finish. It.

I shall stop procrastinating now.

Our blessings can always be taken away

Last Saturday, I volunteered with my Silat members to clean a house as part of the programme by Ramadan On Wheels (ROW) conducted by 4PM. In short, it was an experience.

Aside from the initial shock from the situation, it was a hoarding situation, we were confused/bewildered as to how someone could live in such a situation. Basically, there wasn’t any floor space, wardrobes were filled to the brim with clothes, kitchen and every nook and cranny were filled with insects and cockroach eggs. It was in such a bad condition.

But when we went in, we began clearing all the junk that was in the house from broken washing machines to unused clothes (oh gosh, the number of clothes are insane, two people do not need such huge amounts of clothes). We began digging and uncovered so many dead cockroaches and just… junk.

Over time, as we were clearing the papers and letters, we began to realise that this woman had experienced a huge change in her life. (This story was corroborated by us and we have no surety as to how true it is). Basically, she was a university graduate with a stable job and a bright future ahead. She has a son and her son was married at one point in time. She also had a loving husband who sent her letters but over time, he got caught up in the law. That’s when her life starting spiralling out of control. It got worse too when her husband passed away. The son then experienced an accident that caused him to have epileptic moments. He lost his wife and I believe a daughter too. Now, both of them lived in such a state of a home. Possibly, the stress was so bad for her that she too began to experience a drop in mental health that might lead to the hoarding situation. But the saddest thing to me is how a person can fall into such a state. She was an intelligent woman, writing poems and from the memos that we’ve seen, she was really looking for an escape. She was trying so hard to escape her situation, to find a job, to bring herself back on her feet after experiencing everything that she did. Maybe like Nabi Ayub AS, she basically lost everything and has been stuck in that low state until today.

I don’t know what and why Allah SWT tests her with this but what I do know that it is a lesson for all of us volunteers. It was more than eye-opening as we realised that there are such people living in our society and they’re slowly being hidden from view. We also realised that anything… anything at all can happen to any of us. It doesn’t mean that we are successful that we can never fall into such a bad state. We can, and it is up to Allah SWT whether he wants to take away the blessing He has given us or not.

We are reminded to always be grateful, to be in a state of syukr, for everything that He has given us. Our blessings can be taken away, so say ‘Alhamdulillah’ for what we have now.

May we continue to pray for the success of one another and may Allah SWT continue to bless us with his blessings. May we continue to help the people that are in need and guard our tongues. May we continue to be sincere in our volunteering efforts and may we be amongst those that attain His pleasure. May Allah SWT guard our hearts, health and mind against the evil doings of the Shayateen and may He continue to bless us with utmost health. Amin.

Our blessings can always be taken away, any time, anywhere.

 

Hope

It’s funny how one day you’re controlling every word and every emotion in front of her so that she doesn’t suspect that you like her to telling her every day that she’s beautiful and that you’re excited about having a future with her.

It’s really interesting how the world works especially so if that certain someone that you’ve been interested for so long reciprocates your feelings.

I know… I might fall into disappointment in the future but I really want to make this relationship the first and the last. Like I’ve said, I see no reason why it wouldn’t. As long as both of us do not drift apart from one another.

Hope.

It’s what I have now. May it last, insyaAllah.