Let’s do this!

my brain is messy. I haven’t been able to remember much things lately and it is slowly causing me problems. I think I am also having some trouble focusing. I sometimes wonder if it is because I haven’t offloaded in quite a while… maybe?

I don’t know. Regardless, many things have happened since I last wrote here and I guess why I’m writing less is a good sign that everything has been good so far, insyaAllah.

Hmm… where shall I begin? I don’t know. Hm… I think I can begin from me joining this new band of creatives called Miamorements. Quite a cool team and I’m loving my time with them. Well… despite damaging one of the lenses, I think everything else is fine and dandy. I love how everyone is so in tuned with each other and understood the geeky nonsense that comes out from out mouths. I also love how we are all just freelances trying to make an impact in this already saturated market and we’re all trying to have our piece of the pie. I also love how I finally have a group of people that I can relate with and hustle with. It is amazing. I can’t wait to work with them in the future. But aside from that, I think I too have to work on my own. I have to hustle harder in terms of being a photographer and my own business. I want to also try to find a job which I guess… in some way I did?

I landed an interview with MOE which will be happening this coming Tuesday. I think I should be nervous but currently, I’m not? I think I just have to prepare some materials for the interview and really re-calibrate my intentions and truly think about the possible questions that they might ask. I’m very much interested to be a teacher but also nervous as to the responsibilities that comes with it. May the interview goes smoothly, insyaAllah.

Anyway, I guess for now, you can say that on the career side of things, I have it all figured out? I hope. I think if it is meant for me, it will come one way or another but if it is not, I’m still fine with it. I trust in His plans and so far, I’m comfortable where I am though it would be good if I have an extra few thousand dollars lying around. I am still grateful for the life I have nonetheless.

Hmm… Now on to the more ‘interesting’ part of my life… relationships.

I can say that I am completely over her? Hm… I think so though I have to admit that if she comes running back to me, I would still give it a shot though I know that our interests are very much different. There are only a few people that can handle my nonsense, one being, Marcus because he is worse than me and second maybe is idk… but yeah which is why this new girl is fascinating. She is not yet annoyed at me to the extent that she is tired of layaning me. It is just amazing I tell you. I am low-key amazed that she kept up with me all these while. I’m really very much chaotic and I don’t even think I can handle myself but she is doing it very very well. Am impressed. People always asked me as to what I should do or rather, what I want to do about it but to be honest, I don’t know. This is when I truly have to dig into my own soul and ask myself whether I am ready to move on to the next step or not. Hm. Do I still want to play around? I know the question of ‘there will always be someone better’ is just something that we should learn to put aside and believe that this person is already the best for me but sometimes I can’t stop that thought from coming up. Hmmm…

But I think maybe I should give this a chance? Maybe I should continue doing istikharah and truly go je? I don’t know what’s stopping me? Is it fear? I think it is. Sigh, grow together… hm. I should prepare a list of questions to ask her. I think I will… soon. Hm.

Anyway, that’s all for now? I think. Oh. I need to hustle harder. There are a few things that I need to purchase such as upgrading my camera and getting an iPAD Pro. Hm… let’s do this.

Bismillah.

*ultra-focused*

i know this isn’t much but i am really loving this period of my life. I guess with the coronavirus and everything else in between it has made my life more focused than ever before.

i think partly, i have to thank Lo-Fi. darn… it is my jam when I just want to feel productive and I love it a lot. It’s just like… ‘Okay Google, play Lo-Fi on Youtube’ and darnnnnnn I’m in productive mode immediately.

There are definitely a few things that I have to tackle as soon as possible but am really also pacing myself so that I can make quality work.

Last semester, best semester? is it really coming to fruition?

I am in love… with my life right now and I think the people around me played a huge part in it. love it. thank you.

ultra focused on the goal

bismillah

self-employment.

I have always wanted to work in my own studio and surrounded by the things that I love.

I have always wanted to take risks and be an independent employer. I want to work for myself and not for a big company. I don’t know why. Well… maybe I do know why. I want to be able to always be there when my family needs me and I want to have complete control of my life. I feel that the only way to do so is to be self-employed.

However, I do know the importance of having an iron rice bowl especially in this economy. It is not cheap to raise a family and it requires so much money to do everything else in between. But I am confident. I am determined to make this a business and to be self-employed. I want to.

That will be my goal. I won’t deny that in the beginning I will have to work for someone else. I mean it is important to have some money first before I can make an investment but once my side hustle is making more money than my main job, I think I will then make that jump.

I don’t know when that will be but insyaAllah that day will come.

I can’t wait.

now

I think for now, I can safely say that I am happy with where I am today.

A friend of mine once told me you will never be completely over an ex-lover and you will always have that small special place in your heart for her but what you can do is to learn to live with it and ignore that tug in your heart. What you do with that feeling matters and I can say that it is slowly getting easier.

I am glad as to how far I had come. It has been a painful process and one that I do not want to experience again.

Regardless, I’m comfortable right now. Very much so.

And I think my mind is only focusing on growing my career and my future. Whatever else is secondary. If it happens, it happens and I do not want to force it.

A friend of mine told me in passing that your life has already been planned for you. If it is for you, it will come but also know that nothing lasts forever. Even though it might be for you, it might stay with you forever so cherish them when you have it.

🙂

There’s so much that my heart conceals

But I cannot put them into words

I guess what I can do is to leave them be

And let them be forgotten

Forever

Intense growth!

some things are better left buried.

i have to say that currently I’m in a better place than I was before and there were so many countless lessons that I have learnt from such an experience.

moving forward I guess I’m slowly realising that there are actually more things to life such as being at peace with myself, career progression, learning more about what interests me and how I can contribute back more to society.

I guess 2020 has been great for me so far and I’m slowly getting back on my feet. I don’t want to rush into anything this year nor do I want to make any rash decisions so I guess I’m just cruising…

January has been great and February will be better. I have so many plans and projects in store and I can’t wait to execute them all! 4 more months to graduation and may this last few months be a period of intense growth, insyaAllah!

Severed ties

I have to admit that my connection with Allah SWT hasn’t been as strong as I wanted it to be. Most definitely it is because of the things I did. There are just some things that severes and destroys your connection with Allah SWT and my heart knows it.

It is yearning for a stronger connection with Allah SWT and I regret every single time but sometimes I just feel super powerless. Sigh.

Regardless, I hope that I can grow to love Allah SWT and His Prophet SAW even more. I really hope that my connection with Him becomes stronger because that’s what the heart wants. Truly.

InsyaAllah. 🙂