I Had Lived


Ah, that period of the day where people are either still half asleep or revved up and prepared to go.

Some would rush to get their coffee fix for the day while others seem to have a natural energy that they harvested from a night’s rest.

For me, I love mornings.

I’m usually the most productive during the day. You can call me a morning person. I mean, what is so bad about mornings. The air is cool, the birds are chirping and the streets are quiet (especially on Sunday).

It is also the period of time where I’m most contemplative (evenings too!). Therefore, this morning I had this thought:

A few days ago, I was sitting through a lecture on Ageing and the lecturer said something fascinating that had been bugging my mind ever since. All of us will have to face the decision; whether we want to live a long life that is painful or a shorter one that is painless?

I mean, both have their pros and cons.

Living a longer life albeit a painful one allows you to spend more time with your loved ones, getting to know them better and cherish every single moment with them. A shorter life allows you to die much less painfully.

Yesterday, I was watching a video on TED entitled, “How to stay calm when you know you’ll be stressed?” The speaker introduced the idea of premortem whereby you think about the things that are going to happen and take steps to prevent it. This idea can be applied to the question that I had asked you above.


Think about what really matters to you.

For me, when my life is coming to an end, I wouldn’t want to be plugged up onto machines and be sliced apart. I feel that it would be better to go when it is time, without hesitation, especially if I know that I had lived life fully.

Thus, that is what I strive every single day. To make every second of my life worth it. To be at the end and being able to say, “I HAD LIVED.”






I Admire

I admire the people that have the initiative to do good,

I admire the people that have passions and dreams that they want to pursue,

I admire the people that are ambitious, filled with goals and aspirations,

I admire the people that talk about the good that they are doing,

the services that they are providing others,

I admire the people who volunteer,

who put in that extra effort to make the lives of others easier,

I admire the people who are sure of themselves, confident in their decisions and are resolute, not affected by the criticisms of others,

I admire the people who are funny, affable and amiable,

I admire the people who are charismatic, able to charm a crowd,

I admire the people who speak fluently in many languages, putting people under their spell as they talk,


I admire everyone and everything because I believe I am nothing compared to others.

I am just a wistful soul moving across time waiting for my end.



Note to my 80-Year-Old Self

Note to my


This is a letter to my future self. It will encompass everything that I had, is and will experience in my entire life. The most important question is this, how do I want to see myself in 60 years time?

Dear Hakim,
I am writing this letter in the year 2016. When the idea of writing a letter to my future self dawned upon me, I felt that it might help me to visualise what I really want in life. I may or may not die before the ripe old age of 80 but by writing this, I want to immortalise the feelings, aspirations and dreams of a 20-year-old young adult.

Firstly, I would like to ask if you’re doing well? How are you? How has life been? Being 20 now, I am really excited and somewhat afraid of what life has in store for me. Who did I get married to? How many children do I have? How am I doing financially? How many loved ones had already passed away? There are many more questions that I want to ask you but just one letter will not be enough. Hakim, whatever it is, I’m sure that everything had turned out well for you. I’m sure that all your hard work had paid off and you’re enjoying your golden age right now. However, throughout the next 60 years that I’ll be expecting, I’m sure there are countless lessons and failures that I made.

I’m sure that all your hard work had paid off and you’re enjoying your golden age right now. However, throughout the next 60 years that I’ll be expecting, I’m sure there are countless lessons and failures that I made. Hakim, what stories can you tell me and what advice can you share with me? What experiences can you share with me and what important lessons can you teach me?

I’m sure you remember when you were me, being at a young age of 20. What should I or should I not do? It will be amazing if you can tell me. What I am really expecting is a life without regrets, a life of happiness and pleasure, a life fulfilled. Did I achieve all of that? Did I achieve my life goals that I set when I was 20?

As I write this letter, I envisioned you (myself) as a successful entrepreneur, with a mind full of lessons and knowledge and a character rich with morals. I envisioned you to have a loving family, one that laughs, plays and loves one another so hard. I envisioned you to have a tight-knitted family who goes on adventures together and never fails to help one another. I envisioned you to achieve your lifelong dreams of exploring the world and be a faithful Muslim. I envisioned you to travel the world and share your knowledge with the less fortunate and the helpless. I envisioned you to be someone other people look up to and respect, someone with a life full of rich experiences. I envisioned you to ultimately be happy, living life without regrets.

Hakim, I know being 80 is not easy, I mean… I’m 20 and I’m already struggling with life but what I’m trying to say is that, when I’m at your age, I just want to be what I envisioned you (myself) to be. I do not want to live a life filled with regrets and indecisions. I want to live a life filled with countless lessons and experiences that I can share with the world. I hope you are like how I dreamed of you to be.

As I write the last paragraph of this letter, I hope that the world you’re living in is a world full of love and peace. A world that is happy and united. A world that has finally matured into an adult. In 2016, I see the progress of spaceships, medicine and many other areas in Science and I cannot fathom of what humankind will accomplish in 2076. Hakim, I just want to know that you are my idol. Your 20-year-old self is a pathetic human being putting mankind to shame but I know that I will become wiser and better in all aspects by the time I’m 80. Hakim, do take care.


Love Your 20-Year-Old Self,


As I was writing that letter, a lot of feelings came welling up inside me. Feelings of fear, sadness, happiness and most importantly, the feeling of knowing that whatever that will happen from now until I’m 80, I will be fine. Goals, decisions, and other petty issues that I’m currently dealing with right now don’t seem to matter that much at all. They seem to be mere hurdles in life but ultimately, I will be fine. I might fail, I might experience a heartbreak, I might experience intense moments of sadness but I know, they are all lessons and mere hurdles of life. Take risks, challenge yourself knowing that whatever that will happen, you will still come back out in one piece.