“If only I was everything that I’m not.”

I’m sure most of us, especially teenagers and young adults, have had this thought once in our lives.

We yearn to be something that we are not, something that we think is ‘better’ than what we are now.

Maybe, we want to be fitter, prettier, kinder, braver… and the list goes on and on. So, we look up to people who have achieved that, people who we think is the epitome of whatever we aren’t. We aspire to be them.

We want to be them because we think that it will make our lives so much better, one way or another.

But unfortunately, we fail to realise that even though we do not have what they have, we have what they don’t have, in some way that is only unique to us.

I know. That sounds pretty lame but what I’m trying to say here is that the combined effects of your nurture and nature lead to who you are today. There’s no one else and will never be anybody else that will be you. You are you, end of story. Those combined effects of your nature and nurture also blessed you with skills, emotions, experiences that only you have. Maybe even things that only you can do.

For example, not everyone can sing but does that stop people from trying to sing or put non-singers down and give up on life? No. Non-singers might soon realise that maybe they’re blessed with different skills such as playing the drums, composing or even doing something else entirely. Things that maybe, those singers wished that they could do.

So, what I’m saying here is this, embrace your individuality, embrace you.

 

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What Are Your Intentions?

I’m part of a committee in a society that deals with the spreading of the good of Islam. In that committee, almost every day, we are advised to make our intentions clear and ensure that it is right.

A good example would be the intention to enrol into university. If your intention is to graduate with a degree and learn as much as possible in university, that is a right intention whereas, if your intention is to party and have fun in university, that might not be right and thus, you might suffer the consequences.

Thus, I made it a habit to ensure that my intention of doing something is clear and proper and you should too.

 

I Had Lived

Mornings.

Ah, that period of the day where people are either still half asleep or revved up and prepared to go.

Some would rush to get their coffee fix for the day while others seem to have a natural energy that they harvested from a night’s rest.

For me, I love mornings.

I’m usually the most productive during the day. You can call me a morning person. I mean, what is so bad about mornings. The air is cool, the birds are chirping and the streets are quiet (especially on Sunday).

It is also the period of time where I’m most contemplative (evenings too!). Therefore, this morning I had this thought:

A few days ago, I was sitting through a lecture on Ageing and the lecturer said something fascinating that had been bugging my mind ever since. All of us will have to face the decision; whether we want to live a long life that is painful or a shorter one that is painless?

I mean, both have their pros and cons.

Living a longer life albeit a painful one allows you to spend more time with your loved ones, getting to know them better and cherish every single moment with them. A shorter life allows you to die much less painfully.

Yesterday, I was watching a video on TED entitled, “How to stay calm when you know you’ll be stressed?” The speaker introduced the idea of premortem whereby you think about the things that are going to happen and take steps to prevent it. This idea can be applied to the question that I had asked you above.

 

Think about what really matters to you.

For me, when my life is coming to an end, I wouldn’t want to be plugged up onto machines and be sliced apart. I feel that it would be better to go when it is time, without hesitation, especially if I know that I had lived life fully.

Thus, that is what I strive every single day. To make every second of my life worth it. To be at the end and being able to say, “I HAD LIVED.”

 

 

 

 

I Have to Start Taking My Own Advice

You know what,

I’m guilty of not taking and listening to my own advice and I realised that if I don’t start swallowing that bitter medicine, I wouldn’t be better than where I am today.

I mean, most of us are guilty of this.

We are guilty of giving advice to someone else that we, ourselves, will not practise. We tell others to work hard but we don’t. We tell others to aim for the stars but we don’t. We tell others to take the risk but we don’t.

And I realised that it is a lost on our part because most of the advice that we give others are actually effective and true.

We advise others to do the things we do not want to do because we envisioned them to be our stronger self, the successful self. We want them to achieve what we decided not to achieve even though we have the potential for it. We want them to succeed because we know that deep inside, it is a painful journey that we do not want to tread.

But ultimately, it is our lost. My lost.

So, I’ve decided to swallow that bitter medicine for my own good.

Every day, I regret the time wasted

At the end of every day, I regret the time I wasted doing nothing productive.

I regret the time I wasted procrastinating; watching videos, lounging around…

I regret it with a heavy heart.

But I cannot do anything about it.

The time had passed and gone.

However, what I can do is try again the next day, try again to be more productive, to complete the list of things I needed to do, to just not procrastinate.

But again, I fall into that treacherous trap.

I wasted time again…

What can I do to stop this endless maddening cycle?

I hate the feeling of regret but I still do it anyway.

And I keep on trying.

I would love to get some advice.

Tears down His Cheeks

He hugged her with tears streaming down his cheeks. He felt like a child around her, his tears wetting her shirt.

“Hey,” she whispered softly into his ear.

“I love you,” he mumbled between sobs. “I’ve always loved you and I’ve been missing you ever since you’ve died.”

“I love you too,” she said as she caressed his cheeks and wiped his tears away. “I’m glad, I’m really glad that you didn’t regret meeting me even though I’ve caused you so much pain all these years. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, I will never regret meeting you, all those memories that we’ve shared together were the happiest moments of my life and I would not trade them for anything.”

“My dear?” he said.

“Yes?”

“I just want to say that I’m thankful, thankful that I was able to be part of your life and you, a part of mine. All these years, you have constantly been on my mind, and every night, I’ve been dreaming of touching the warmth of your skin and feeling the coolness of your breath. I’ve missed your cute laughter, your wide smile and the way your eyes lit up when you see food. I’ve missed the way that we can talk about nothing for hours and laugh at each others’ horrible jokes. Most of all, I’ve missed the little quirks that make you, you. I’ve missed you, my love, and I’m glad that I have this chance to say all of that to you.

I will love you, no matter what.”