Living like we’re dying

Living like we’re dying.

I’m pretty sure most of us have heard that phrase being thrown around. Especially during times of stress or when people give you advice.

They would say, “We should live like we’re dying because we will never know when we’re going to die.”


“You might not have another chance, GO LIVE LIKE YOU’RE DYING!”

But, is it right for us to live like we’re dying? Is it even possible for us to live like our lives are in a constant struggle?

That would lead to some really bad choices, wouldn’t it?

I mean, in the case of terminal illness whereby the doctor tells you that they don’t know how long you have left or that you only have X months left, wouldn’t the phrase, “Living like we’re dying” have a more legitimate reason?

However, in actual fact, even healthy people like us don’t really know how long we have left. The unexpectedness of death is just inevitable. Should we then lead our lives as if we’re dying?

Maybe there is a balance to be struck here. A balance between enjoying ourselves like it is our last and a balance of making rational decisions.

But to figure out which spectrum of ‘living’ we should be is a case-by-case basis.

Ultimately, we need to get used to the idea of death and how real it is. This does not me acclimatise ourselves, to numb ourselves of the idea of death, but instead to accept it as the inevitability of life itself, to know that it is happening and find comfort that everyone till the end of time will experience it with you.

P.S. I guess the fear of death stems from the fear of missing out (FOMO). We fear that by dying we might miss out on a lot in this world. We fear that we might leave this life without truly living, without truly experiencing the fullness and wholeness of life.

To accept that is something that I will let you ponder on.


Fear of Authority

Losing myself.

There are many things going for me. Many good things.

However, I can’t help but wonder whether I’m acting the part.

Titles placed upon a person can change the way a person act, respond and even change the way they carry themselves. One good example is the Stanford Prison Experiment, the famed experiment that went out-of-hand too quickly that it had to be stopped prematurely. It shows just how quickly a title can change someone.

Especially so if you’re placed in a position of authority.

I’m not placed in the position of authority, maybe not yet but I can’t help but ponder about whether I can emulate what that position requires me to be.

I’m fearful because I wasn’t a good officer in NS. I failed to carry my role well, to emulate what being an officer actually meant. It was a learning point for me. Thus, if I were to get a position equivalent to that, I fear that I might not do a good job.

I don’t know. So far, I had only one experience, Head of Publicity for IAS2017. However, that was minor compared to what might be handed over to me one day.


Let me just do my best and not be afraid to ask for help.


Afraid of falling in…


At my age, the topic of relationships never strayed far from conversations.

No matter what we’re talking about, there’s always someone who’ll bring up the topic of love and relationships. It can either be from who we’re dating to who had recently hooked up.

I never had a significant other and maybe not so soon. Why? I can never imagine myself being in a committed relationship (not in the near future at least), having someone else to share our emotions with, relying on someone else for support and such. The thought is definitely beautiful but one not short of sacrifices. I’m just not yet willing to sacrifice much for now.

To be honest, deep inside, I truly want to find that significant other quickly, it is an urge that I’m sure everyone at this age feels but it becomes harder and harder to suppress as the years pile on.

And, as I dwell deeper into this topic, I start to wonder how could we tell the difference between falling in love with the person VS falling in love with the idea of the person?

A person has flaws, shortfalls, failures and probably some things they do that you dislike. However, the idea of a person is entirely different. You imagined them to be perfect, suited for you in every way. You even imagined how perfect your life would be if both of you just get together.

Therefore, sometimes, in the early stages of a relationship, it gets confusing and difficult to separate those two things apart. Infatuation just blocks the mind.

This scares me for I do not want to fall in love with the wrong person. But again, this begs the question of when do we know if we are truly in love? (Maybe a topic for another day.)

I applaud my friends who are fresh into a new relationship and I admire how decisive their decisions were. I believe it is something scary and wonderful at the same time, a milestone that comes with a lot of responsibilities and probably, tough challenges in the future. And I wish them all the best.

Anyway, as far as I’m concerned, that’s not where I want my life to be heading now for I still have many things I want to improve on. BUT, if things happen, I’ll just see where to steer my life then.

P.S. This topic is something that I can discuss for hours and it is truly something I’m still navigating and thinking about. Thus, whatever that I’ve discussed might change in the next few seconds or months.



Year-End Anxiety

As the year slowly comes to an end, there seemed to be a rush to cherish every single moment of 2016, a rush to ensure that every moment is spent wisely.

For me, ironically, it seemed to be a rush to ensure that I have rested adequately before the new year begins.

I mean, it totally is something expected, seeing that this holiday I was (and still am) busy with projects and whatnot thus, not really getting real, true slacking time.

I mean, I just have this urge to ensure that I am energised and ready to go for the new year but obviously, this anxiety just prevents me from doing just that.

I’m just afraid that when the new year rolls around, I will still be my tired, exhausted 2016 self. That is something I desperately want to avoid. I want my 2017 self to be fresher, more clear-headed, and motivated.

I have several things left to do before 2017, but I’m going to make sure that whatever is left of 2016 is not wasted and that I can start the new year fresh.

Unrivalled Courage

Sometimes, all we need is 20 seconds of unrivalled courage.

I think that is what I need now.

I admire people who can set their mind on things and go out and do it without fear of any possible consequences.

And there’s a lot to learn from them.

All I need now is just 20 seconds of fierce courage to bring me to the next level but the fear of the possible consequences put me off. Should I care about it or should I just do it?



I’m Afraid.


I’m afraid.

Afraid of everything.

I’m afraid of the expectations people have of me, I have of me.

I’m afraid of failing. Afraid of not being able to keep my word. Afraid that I will not be able to achieve what I said I want to achieve.

I’m afraid of looking like a joke.

I’m afraid of being that person who has a big mouth and all he can and will do is talk.

I’m afraid that I will not be a man of action, the person I truly aspire to be.

I’m afraid, I really am.

The Fear of Screwing Up

I think all of us, no matter how old we are or where we come from, share this single fear: The Fear of Screwing Up.

We hate screwing up. We hate it when we make mistakes. We hate it when we prepared so much for something, like a presentation, and we completely made a mess out of it.

We hate screwing up. We hate the thought of embarrassing ourselves in front of a crowd. We hate the feeling of hopeless and despair as we are forced to sit through the failure.

We hate it because our capabilities are questioned when we do screw up.

We just don’t want to screw up.

But what can we do?

We are human, prone to error and failure.

Screwing up is in us.

What we need to change is the attitude towards people that did screw up. Be empathetic, know that you might have been in that person’s position.