There’s something missing

To be honest, I feel as if I have something missing from my life. Something that I had once before but somehow, I’ve lost it along the way.

I realised this when my days are no longer structured, I spent most of my time procrastinating and feeling really lazy and unmotivated. I also became less creative. Today was such a day.

I realised that I’ve somehow lost that drive that I used to have.

Is it because I lacked purpose or is it because I lacked external inputs of hustle and creativity?

I honestly don’t know.

However, what I can say is this. The abundance of time that I have every single day is not helping at all. My mind is in a constant battle of either to do something productive or to laze around and procrastinate.

The latter will usually win.

A possible cause might be that I currently lacked deep human interaction. If you do not know yet, I thrive on having deep conversations with people, talking about life, dreaming and playing thought experiments. The holidays isn’t helping. Even though I do interact with people, they are usually one-dimensional conversations that are on the surface and never deeper. Usually, it is about meetings or something superficial. It doesn’t feed my need to have intense philosophical conversations.

Well, I don’t know. Now, I’m watching previously watched videos by Chase Jarvis, ’30 Days of Genius’. Maybe, it will help give me some insight to what I’ve lost and maybe, help to feed the motivation that I sorely needed.

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The Shot of the Night

I held the device in my hand,

It felt heavy,

It felt light,

No,

It felt just right.

 

A strand of hair,

A wondered stare,

No,

It is not her,

Just a fragment of my imagination,

A memory of a sensation.

 

The reflection on the window,

The colours of the lights,

Red, Green, Blue, oh, what a sight.

 

Again,

I lifted the device,

It felt just right,

I looked at her through the sight,

And took the shot of the night.