There’s something missing

To be honest, I feel as if I have something missing from my life. Something that I had once before but somehow, I’ve lost it along the way.

I realised this when my days are no longer structured, I spent most of my time procrastinating and feeling really lazy and unmotivated. I also became less creative. Today was such a day.

I realised that I’ve somehow lost that drive that I used to have.

Is it because I lacked purpose or is it because I lacked external inputs of hustle and creativity?

I honestly don’t know.

However, what I can say is this. The abundance of time that I have every single day is not helping at all. My mind is in a constant battle of either to do something productive or to laze around and procrastinate.

The latter will usually win.

A possible cause might be that I currently lacked deep human interaction. If you do not know yet, I thrive on having deep conversations with people, talking about life, dreaming and playing thought experiments. The holidays isn’t helping. Even though I do interact with people, they are usually one-dimensional conversations that are on the surface and never deeper. Usually, it is about meetings or something superficial. It doesn’t feed my need to have intense philosophical conversations.

Well, I don’t know. Now, I’m watching previously watched videos by Chase Jarvis, ’30 Days of Genius’. Maybe, it will help give me some insight to what I’ve lost and maybe, help to feed the motivation that I sorely needed.

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Are we filling our time with empty, mindless busyness?

This is actually something that I am really worried about. The worry that I am filling up my time with mindless busyness instead of doing actual work.

To be honest, I think I have been doing ‘work’ that doesn’t really benefit my life in any way.

I think it is because it is easy for me to give in to temptations and procrastination especially so if my body is just exhausted from all the other activities that I have engaged in.

It is a constant battle to do what I should be doing with what I want to be doing. And I feel that I’m slowly losing that battle.

A constant reminder is needed.

I’m just disappointed in myself for giving in too easily because, deep inside, I know that I have so much potential to succeed.

Honestly, I wonder how those high-achievers and all-rounders do it. It amazes me every single time.

Every day, I regret the time wasted

At the end of every day, I regret the time I wasted doing nothing productive.

I regret the time I wasted procrastinating; watching videos, lounging around…

I regret it with a heavy heart.

But I cannot do anything about it.

The time had passed and gone.

However, what I can do is try again the next day, try again to be more productive, to complete the list of things I needed to do, to just not procrastinate.

But again, I fall into that treacherous trap.

I wasted time again…

What can I do to stop this endless maddening cycle?

I hate the feeling of regret but I still do it anyway.

And I keep on trying.

I would love to get some advice.

When It All Ends

All of us know that time is precious, time does not wait nor can time be given back. It moves on, flowing, changing and shifting taking away with it a small essence of every living thing.

However, even after knowing this, we waste time. We prioritise things that do not bring benefit, things that would bring us a lost in the long run. We play instead of perfecting our craft, we sleep instead of studying, we gossip instead of hustling.

As days turn into weeks and weeks into months and months into years, procrastination begins to take a toll. We grow older not necessarily wiser, we grow older not necessarily more successful, we grow older not necessarily smarter.

We come to regret not practising our craft, we come to regret not learning as many things as possible, we come to regret the time that we lose to procrastination.

But who can we blame but ourselves, ourselves who had decided to prioritise procrastination over anything else?

And when it all ends, when time has taken all of our essence, we come to gain nothing leaving nothing behind, nothing that reminds the world that we had ever existed.

 

A Task Left Undone

A task left undone is like a constant annoying ache in your chest, pounding and begging for your attention. That is what I am feeling right now when I decided to postpone my morning exercise till the afternoon because I wanted to catch up on my sleep and that is what I always feel when I procrastinate over something.

It is that constant aching feeling in chest that reminds you of a task left undone, it reminds you that you will not have a good day and you will not have relief until that task is completed. It irritates, annoys and thus, you are unable to focus and I hate it. As much as I hate doing a task, that aching feeling is far worse. Therefore, from this day forth, I pledge that I will complete a task as soon as I can thus, increasing productiveness and creativity.

Though, I really hope my willpower is strong enough to push away the tempting hand of procrastination. Well, wish me luck!

You’re Dead Tomorrow

Your hands fumbled with the door knob, you tried to push the door but it felt heavy like it has been a long time since it was opened. You pushed and pushed and every second you spent trying to open it, the shadow that has been chasing you grew larger and larger, the steps getting louder and closer. Finally, the door opened reluctantly and you ran out to the roof of the building. While you were looking around, trying to decide where to go, you heard the strong and powerful beating of wings, and a large shadow loomed over you. You looked up. The sight of the creature almost shocked you to death. With wings stretching as far as the eye can see, with hands ending with claws instead of fingers, and with eyes as black as night, the creature began to speak to you. You could not see its lips moving but you heard its voice, thunderous and silent at the same time. It said, “I am Death and you will die tomorrow.”

Now, imagine that happening to you. What will you do with that information? Would you just brush it off or would you take it seriously? Would you continue your life as if it did not happen or would you live your life like it is your last day?

My question to you is, what would you do if tomorrow is your last day?

There are many different things one could do if they discovered that tomorrow is their last day, from taking insane risks (since they have nothing to lose) to having a quiet and fun time with their family, I personally would prefer the latter. When it comes to dying and death, all things material becomes nothing, they become meaningless to the person, instead, family and relationships become the most important and most cherished. Would you rather die in the presence of your material wealth which can never show you care or would you rather die in the presence of your family who will show you love and compassion till the very end?

Having said this, how many of us actually thought about this question before? How many of us actually live our everyday lives like it might be our last? I presume not many.

We do not know when we will die. We will never know if we would live to see tomorrow. Heck, we will not even know if we are going to live to see the next second. What makes us so sure that we will live long enough to see our children grow up? What makes us feel so confident that we would not die in the next few seconds?

Unfortunately, the way we are living today accurately reflects that attitude. We seemed so confident that we are going to see tomorrow. We procrastinate like we have all the time in the world, we watch endless dramas and movies, and we spend so little time with our children and even if we do, I’m sure 80% of the time we were looking at our phones. So, can you see the problem here? We live our lives as if we are going to live forever which we won’t!

It does not matter in which religion we believe in, which school of thought we follow or whether we are atheist or agnostic, death is constant and definite. We need a change in mindset. We need to stop living like this, instead, we need to live every day like it is our last. Therefore, I appeal to all of us to think about death and to think about what we really and truly want to do in this one chance at life. I promise you that it will do you good. You will have a complete change in perspective towards life and life will be more fulfilling for you. I know that it is cliche to tell you to ‘do what you love’ but it is true. In this short span of time on Earth, we will not want to waste it on something unenjoyable right?

Now, if Death comes knocking on your door, maybe, instead of freaking out, say, ‘thank you’ for finally we can say that we have made the best of our time here on Earth.