Plans?

I’m currently having this wild idea of becoming a journalist.

“Wild? Why do you say that?” said some random voice in my mind.

Well, I know I love to write, or blogging to be more precise. I also love to take photographs and tell stories about things I see, hear and observe but to be a journalist, you have to be good. You have to be something more than just an amateur blogger on the internet.

I mean, so far, that seems to be the path that I’m on, the path to becoming an amateur creator. Not a scientist, not an engineer, but a creator. A person who is passionate about contextualising ideas and developing it into something concrete, a product of some sort.

Anyway, I just can’t help but wonder about the skills I have or lack thereof. I mean, there are many others that are just super talented and by comparing myself to them, I’m sorely lagging behind.

I am learning and definitely during the summer holidays, I will hone my skills.

Can’t wait to see where this journey takes me.

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Third Month of 2017

Hold on to your seats! We are nearing the third month of 2017!

Such fast! Such time! Whatttttt!

It truly felt as if time flew past by too quickly. I still have yet to get my bearings right though I’m glad I can finally allocate more time to my studies.

Unfortunately, however, my mid-terms are coming up next week and 5 weeks-ish after that would be my Finals thus, there really isn’t much time to waste.

I guess this post is just to check in with what I have achieved thus far, to reflect on the two months that had passed.

I’m sure some of you already know that I set New Year’s Resolutions. This year, however, is just an extension of last year’s which is to continue to improve my creative skills and be more proactive in seeking out knowledge and volunteering. So, I did just that. In the first two months (more of a continuation of last year), I was a part of Islam Awareness Series 2017 and coming soon, Rihlah 1438H. Both I consider as volunteering. I also joined FOC 2017 (I just couldn’t resist) which is currently in its planning stages.

I’m still pretty active in Silat (hmm… though fitness has yet to improve). However, I’ve begun to neglect my powerlifting training, pushing time and effort into the ad-hocs and my studies.

Deep down, I guess what I’m trying to find are opportunities, opportunities to go higher in university and in life, opportunities that will make me into a better person and bring me closer to my dream.

Well, all of that looks fine and dandy but I have to always remind myself that I’m a student first and studies should always be prioritised.

Okay.

Just a small update on lifestyle. I’m still trying to get a hang on the long days and short nights (coffee helps a bit). With regards to creativity, I’m falling short and missed an amazing opportunity to shoot for a competition because of the upcoming examinations. However, I’m sure there’ll be much more to come.

Exercise is currently on a seesaw. Fitness dropping, stamina too. I would need to revise on my scheduling.

I guess that’s all for now. I have a few projects coming soon and I will keep this blog updated.

It’s All About The Hustle. Always.

 

 

An Academic?

I truly, wholeheartedly, admire people who seek knowledge and strive to be the best in what they do, especially academics.

I admire professors, scholars, researchers and people who delve deep into their respective fields not because they need to but because they want to.

And I guess, deep inside, I really want to be just like them.

If I were to go back to my blog post from the beginning of university, I’m sure I had written something along the lines of wanting to be an academic who seeks knowledge because of interest and not because of need. I think that was what drove me forward in the first semester.

However, along the way, I begin to forget that primary mindset, I begin to lose touch on what really mattered.

And I guess, because of that I focused on the wrong things.

To be honest, the thought of just “screw everything” had been playing in my mind, a small annoyance that will gradually get bigger if I don’t get my sh** together quickly. But I know that it shouldn’t be entertained. I love school and all aspects of it but only if I’m in the right state of mind.

After listening to one of my lecturers talked about Darwin’s and his own challenges faced as ‘seekers of the truth’, I realised how insignificant my problems were. I realised that my mind had been pre-set in the wrong state since the beginning of this semester, I should be focusing on the learning and love for the subject and not treat it as ‘just another module’.

I want to be an academic, grasp mastery of my field whatever it might be. I shall work towards it with renewed conviction that I will achieve that.

The Thirst for Knowledge

I’m writing this because I am so amazed by the leaps and bounds past ‘men of science’ went through for their discoveries and research.

I just ended a lecture on Evolution. It was a lecture that was focused on the historical aspect of the discovery.

The lecturer told the story of how Darwin (it was about Wallace just now) and many other ‘naturalists’ of the time go about their discoveries and it was especially heartening to see so much hard work that was put into the discovery of the ‘Theory of Evolution by Natural Selection’.

I’m not sure why, maybe due to the interesting aspect of the way they went about their work and reaching a conclusion, but it just fascinates me.

By fast-forwarding through time, I realised that we are exceptionally blessed with the immense amount of knowledge that we have today; knowledge that we can easily get through the use of Google (though we need to check for reliability) with just a click or a tap on a screen.

I just think that we no longer have that drive to acquire more knowledge, going to school as just a part and parcel of life. The hunger and thirst for new knowledge seem lacking. WE have gotten lazy in our education, trying to get the easy way out and in that process, we short-change ourselves. We cared so much of the end-point but do not seek (or care) to appreciate the journey.

We are no longer ‘men of science’ like how Darwin and Wallace once were and it is a sad reality that we have to deal with.

Maybe society has put too much pressure on us to get to the end point without emphasising the importance of the process. Maybe we can and should blame society? What about ourselves? I’m sure society did not tell us what to do. I’m sure each and every one of us has free will? Shouldn’t we then blame ourselves for being too focused on the paper and not the journey of acquiring knowledge?

I don’t know.

I am currently facing that problem, the problem of being a motivated student of knowledge. Truly I want to be a student who seeks knowledge and not a student who seeks to get As for examinations but I guess it is hard. Papers define everything.

Maybe reviving the era of enthusiasm for knowledge is futile and tough. I don’t know.

I just know that if we can do it, it is what’s best for humanity.

It is Important to have Enthusiasm

In the past few posts, I posted about how unmotivated, exhausted and completely drained creatively I was.

I think I’ve found the answer to the problem; I hadn’t been enthusiastic about my work anymore and let it fall into the trap of routine.

Having a routine can sometimes be good but in this case, it is bad. For creatives or people who depend their minds to constantly come up with new ideas, falling into a routine could make the mind go lazy and stagnant.

I realised this problem when I was talking about intentions with a friend and how important it is to have true intentions in whatever we do. I realised that I no longer have the intention in mind when I’m carrying out my tasks and activities. In the past, whenever I study, I had the intention of getting great grades and to learn. Now, it became something of a routine, seemingly ‘learning’ because I have to.

I guess by always reminding oneself of the intention of the task will prime the brain to be focused on just that one intention. It will allow oneself to control the wandering mind and to completely delve themselves into deep and productive work.

 

A Rainy Day

It was pouring.

I arrived in school, drenched.

It was really cold.

But it was beautiful.

The howling of the wind, the growling of thunder, the sound of the rain beating against the roof. It was like a call for contemplation.

It was so peaceful too. Rainy days bring such a wonderful mood to a place. A mood of calm and relaxation. Some people talked idly about their lives in almost hushed tones, some complaining about the rain, but all in all, I guess, they were glad that it rained.

I personally loved the rain. The intense chaos of it ironically brings much peace to the mind. I guess it had something to do with how the weather kept the sky cloudy, and oh, have I talked about the wonderful smell of rain?

Well, I digress.

Today was a great day. Amidst the chaos of the mind and the confusion of the soul for the past few days, I managed to rally myself up and get some work done. Alhamdulillah.

I need to remind myself of my purpose in university and of my goals and intentions. I need to renew my motivation and drive.

A painful lesson for myself: humility

I started this blog because I treasure memories and I wanted to record them down for my future self to read.

But for that to work effectively, I have to be 100% open and truthful too.

So, let me be just that.

There’s a lesson that I believe has been one of the hardest for me to digest and practice, which is the lesson of humility.

Death and prayer bring humility to the soul of a person. However, I have yet to truly grasp the essence of being humble. To know how to be humble is one thing but to truly practise the art of humility is another.

It is even more so when the urge to get recognition, validation from others will continue poking at you like an annoying little brother. I guess, it just shows how deep I have dived into this world of gratification and a habit I’m trying hard to break.

I guess it all started when I begin to realise that having people associating you with your work is a confidence booster. It truly is. But, slowly and surely, it will become something that consumes you as your work is now more focused on capturing the attention of others instead of honest and sincere work.

Once you get that validation ball rolling, your humility will slowly disappear. And that is something that I truly fear.

In National Service, I was always taught and told to be humble, to respect others and bring yourself low. This lesson was especially important for officers like me. In retrospect, however, I guess it was a lesson that I did not embody and I truly regretted that. Maybe my life in NS would have been vastly different otherwise.

In Islam too, we were taught be humble, to bring ourselves down to the level of others, to speak kindly and on the same frequency as the person we’re talking to.

There are still so much more that I can learn to embody the art of humility. A lesson that I’m painstakingly trying to master.

I guess, it all takes time. All I have to do is persevere on.

I will also try to be sincere in my craft. To put aside the thought of validation and do it sincerely, for the sake of my future self.