I truly, wholeheartedly, admire people who seek knowledge and strive to be the best in what they do, especially academics.
I admire professors, scholars, researchers and people who delve deep into their respective fields not because they need to but because they want to.
And I guess, deep inside, I really want to be just like them.
If I were to go back to my blog post from the beginning of university, I’m sure I had written something along the lines of wanting to be an academic who seeks knowledge because of interest and not because of need. I think that was what drove me forward in the first semester.
However, along the way, I begin to forget that primary mindset, I begin to lose touch on what really mattered.
And I guess, because of that I focused on the wrong things.
To be honest, the thought of just “screw everything” had been playing in my mind, a small annoyance that will gradually get bigger if I don’t get my sh** together quickly. But I know that it shouldn’t be entertained. I love school and all aspects of it but only if I’m in the right state of mind.
After listening to one of my lecturers talked about Darwin’s and his own challenges faced as ‘seekers of the truth’, I realised how insignificant my problems were. I realised that my mind had been pre-set in the wrong state since the beginning of this semester, I should be focusing on the learning and love for the subject and not treat it as ‘just another module’.
I want to be an academic, grasp mastery of my field whatever it might be. I shall work towards it with renewed conviction that I will achieve that.