An Academic?

I truly, wholeheartedly, admire people who seek knowledge and strive to be the best in what they do, especially academics.

I admire professors, scholars, researchers and people who delve deep into their respective fields not because they need to but because they want to.

And I guess, deep inside, I really want to be just like them.

If I were to go back to my blog post from the beginning of university, I’m sure I had written something along the lines of wanting to be an academic who seeks knowledge because of interest and not because of need. I think that was what drove me forward in the first semester.

However, along the way, I begin to forget that primary mindset, I begin to lose touch on what really mattered.

And I guess, because of that I focused on the wrong things.

To be honest, the thought of just “screw everything” had been playing in my mind, a small annoyance that will gradually get bigger if I don’t get my sh** together quickly. But I know that it shouldn’t be entertained. I love school and all aspects of it but only if I’m in the right state of mind.

After listening to one of my lecturers talked about Darwin’s and his own challenges faced as ‘seekers of the truth’, I realised how insignificant my problems were. I realised that my mind had been pre-set in the wrong state since the beginning of this semester, I should be focusing on the learning and love for the subject and not treat it as ‘just another module’.

I want to be an academic, grasp mastery of my field whatever it might be. I shall work towards it with renewed conviction that I will achieve that.

Advertisements

A Rainy Day

It was pouring.

I arrived in school, drenched.

It was really cold.

But it was beautiful.

The howling of the wind, the growling of thunder, the sound of the rain beating against the roof. It was like a call for contemplation.

It was so peaceful too. Rainy days bring such a wonderful mood to a place. A mood of calm and relaxation. Some people talked idly about their lives in almost hushed tones, some complaining about the rain, but all in all, I guess, they were glad that it rained.

I personally loved the rain. The intense chaos of it ironically brings much peace to the mind. I guess it had something to do with how the weather kept the sky cloudy, and oh, have I talked about the wonderful smell of rain?

Well, I digress.

Today was a great day. Amidst the chaos of the mind and the confusion of the soul for the past few days, I managed to rally myself up and get some work done. Alhamdulillah.

I need to remind myself of my purpose in university and of my goals and intentions. I need to renew my motivation and drive.

Back to the Grind

Well, tomorrow is the start of a new semester.

I’m having mixed feelings of excitement and fear.

I’m excited because a new semester means new opportunities, new people to meet and things to do. However, I’m fearful because of the failures that will come with all of that.

I’m truly afraid of one thing however, I’m afraid of being swallowed up by busyness and neglect my studies and my creative work.

I’ve learnt a lot from the past semester and I hope to deploy those lessons this time. I honestly don’t want my past mistakes to happen; the almost burnt out, the constant fatigue and the stress. I want to at least have a clear mind at the end of every day.

Well, I guess all I can do now is to try my best.

Back to the grind.

 

Good Bye 2016, What’s Next?

I don’t know.

To be honest, that was what 2016 was like, full of I-Don’t-Knows.

2016 was wonderful and it was a year where I had learnt so much, made so many wonderful friendships and learnt truly a lot about myself and I guess, attained self-awareness.

2016 was the year I ORD-ed from serving the nation in the Singapore Civil Defence Force,
2016 was the year I became a student of the National University of Singapore,
2016 was the year that I’ve forged unexpected friendships (how I entered Silat without much consideration),
2016 was the year I opened myself up to many new things (joining two ad-hocs without much consideration),
2016 was the year I lived my dream of being a college student,
2016 was the year I started to put more focus into my writing,
2016 was the year I became obsessed with Casey Neistat and his art of vlogging,
2016 was the year I truly strived to be a better person,
2016 was the year that I squatted heavy (52.5KG per side),
Most importantly, 2016 was the year I hustled.

There are many things I’ve failed to achieve in 2016 but there are also many things that I achieved. There were also many detours and unexpected things that happened that made my 2016 so much more beautiful.

I’ll be posting up my goals and resolutions for 2017 and also a reflection on how my resolutions for 2016 had turned out to be.

P.S. However, in my opinion, 2016 had been bloody and brutal for the outside world, but 2016 was needed for the world to wake up.

Even though there might be things that we had hoped could have been better in 2016, let’s refresh ourselves and move forward to 2017 with renewed hope and vitality.

Year 1, Semester 1

These are just 10 things that I’ve learnt in Year 1, Semester 1 in university:
  1. There is always time to do things, it is just up to you to plan your time properly. Every single minute of the day must be treasured and used to the max.
  2. Quality is better than quantity. Be it in terms of revision hours, sleep hours or even time spent socialising.
  3. 20 Seconds of courage. We need to always be brave for just a mere 20 seconds and step out of our comfort zone. We need to be brave to try new things and talk to new people.
  4. Ask, ask, ask. If you do not know something, ask. Don’t be shy because everyone is there learning too. You might actually do them a favour by asking. Also, ask your professors and TAs. Make use of them.
  5. It is important to make friends. The more friendships you make, the easier your life is in university. The more options that you open yourself up to.
  6. There’s always lessons to learn from everyone. Each and everyone in university has at least 18 years of life experience. Tap on that.
  7. Sometimes, we need to learn to stop fighting a futile battle. Sometimes, you just couldn’t get your head around certain modules or what the module is asking from you. Just recognise that sometimes we need to put our weapons down and re-strategise.
  8. Learn to accept that sometimes, hard work does not pay off. There’s always someone better than you or you’re just not good at it. Disappointment can creep in when you get a bad result. Learn to stand up again, take a breather and move on quickly.
  9. Make mistakes. That’s the only way to learn.
  10. You are never alone. There’s always someone out there experiencing the same problem you are.

 

I am so grateful

Just want to say that I’m thankful for everything that has happened in my life thus far.

University life hasn’t been easy and I doubt that it ever will be but the experiences and friendships that I’ve made are worth it.

I am blessed to be able to meet wonderful people who are just filled with life and happiness, forge friendships with them and also able to fill the painful days of hustling with some sunshine.

In the last three months, a lot has changed, and a lot hasn’t but throughout those 3 months, I have to say that I enjoyed every moment of it, from the long hours of studying in school to the sweaty silat training sessions.

I just feel grateful today and I want to let everyone know how grateful I am that you’ve impacted my life positively in one way or another.

Cheers. 🙂

 

Lagging Behind

You know, university is just filled with competition. In almost everything that you do, there is always that atmosphere of competitiveness of wanting to be the best. Therefore, sometimes, I feel as if I’m lagging behind everyone else.

Maybe I haven’t been working as hard as I could.

Maybe I’m not hard on myself, always giving in to comfort easily.

Honestly, I wish I could work harder.

People say that you should strive to work smarter instead of working harder. However, in university, everyone is smart and how smart you are depends on your genes but how hard you work is always within your control. That is the factor that levels the playing field.

I will work harder.